Description: This is my rewrite, with some help from Tagit.
Enjoy! This'll be the final.
Sometimes (rewrite) -------------------------------------------
Sometimes… sometimes you just want to let
The thoughts scream out through the tears
Sometimes you just have to pour
Your heart out in order to forget
But it never ends it never stops
How can you feel so empty
Yet be so full of tears
When just a mention fills your eyes
With a tension born in silent cries
And a blind confession just isn’t right
Sometimes you want to implode from outside pressure
And sometimes you think that maybe you already have
But sometimes you think you will but you don’t
And that’s when you know there is
So much out there that you just can’t have
A loss a boundary a pain in your memory
Wanting so bad to be with someone
That you forget who you are without
Wanting so bad to be as good as someone else
That you forget what’s good in yourself
Sometimes you have to get up and go
Even though you think you’ll go nowhere
Sometimes there’s only one way to get there
And that’s through the aching tears you hold
Sometimes the person who you think matters most
Doesn’t really care for you at all
But the person you think is least
Lends a hand when you need it the most
Sometimes the person who you think matters most
Doesn’t really care for you at all
But the person you think is least interesting
Lends a hand when you need it the most
You have some really deep thoughts within that poetic mind of yours. Some of your words could very logically be quoted. I relate to most of your thoughts, although I differ from you in description. Maybe you should take a look at the other side, like you say: for me, tears isn't an option - that tightening of the chest, that dryness of the throat, it all happens, but my woes are always kept inside because tears refuse to come out. It's wonderful to get rid of all that toxic energy that accumulates over the days; you should be thankful you have the gift of crying.
wow... truly this touched my heart. it expresses so much of what i have been feeling lately and opens my mind to so much. I think i reread this about 8 times just to try to let all your words sink into my very soul. You have an amazing gift. the lines "how can you feel so empty yet be so full of tears" just stoped me in my tracks everytime i read it and i thought... wow... ive felt that way. You are an amazing writer. This really touched my heart and like i said made me think about so much.
Its quite an amazing work of art
I really identify with this poem, It's really strange how you managed to slip almost every strangity that I've been experiancing over the past three months into one piece, (Even I haven't been able to do that, and I'm the one who experienced them!) Although *I* identify with it, I have something I'd like to bring to your attention. Even though your subjects are really deep and amazingly written upon, the fact that you're tackling almost six topics in one poem slightly robs the overall effect. Your reader's mind is on six different subjects, thus making it hard for them to focus on any of them. Just a thought, maybe I'm wrong.
Augh. Don't we all know how this feels? It totally sucks... I think that sometimes we forget how things like that can affect us. It's a lonely life when you lose your friends, but i think you've portrayed it excellently. This is an example of a superb piece of poetry. A job well done. It hits home in a place that most people don't like it to, it's a painful part and you reached it easily. You have the heart of your readers in the palm of your hand.
Submission Name: Sometimes (rewrite) 
