Description: this whole thing with an older guy. not sure if he really likes me for me or how this happened for that matter. not such a great write. way too much stuff going through my head
you confuse me
with your subtle lines
storybook ties
against my better judgement
you confuse me
to let go
and to let your tedious
forgotten phrases
twist and tumble
until i fall
into mine own
web of lies
you tied me into a knot
suffocating me
to lose my speech
its childish
immature
but im still wondering
why me?
youre right... this isnt a strong write.
it seems more like a random thought/stream of conscious piece being without structure and punctuation and line breaks and everything...
i guess sometimes its hard to be technical when everything else is so up in the air.
but i think... i dunno... theres nothing i can really offer here because you dont seem to want to improve it you just wanna be able to say it and get it out there.
Hehehe, I like this. I was simply amused by the way you decided to keep the lines short, it made it sing-songy, and great to read out loud. I thought this was fairly good, though there's not much else I can say about it, seeing as everything has pretty much already been said. "storybook ties"
I like that line. Thanks for the read, and I hope you're not confused anymore, doesn't seem like a fun time, but great poetry inspiration.
Be well,
~Azura*
Ooh, this seems to me a mild case of the confusion bug... hahah just kidding. I honestly have nothing. Sorry, but I will say that I liked it. I like the phrase "Twist and tumble until i fall" it was really good and I had a total mental image. The format is really good too. you know how to work your words, I don't think you did it intentionally, but it kind of feels like random thoughts, and it's confusing, it adds a nice touch.
Submission Name: Confusion
