fourth dimension contemplation
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Description:
fourth dimension contemplation
called and automatically got your answering machine since when was this worth it? it's fluctuated to the point of lying on a flat plane of space and nothing makes much of a difference any longer how long can a thing go on before it runs out of space and time and momentum before it twists and turns and careens into the fourth dimension and morphs... well it's morphed and gotten mishapen to the point where i can't touch it or assess it the way i used to we used to lie beneath the sky at dusk we used to lie through our teeth when we had to elation is scarce in mid-day ponderings our minds were always fallible the present was never tangible but we pretended we could touch it like a cloth of the finest silk but it wasn't silk, was it it was my grandma's sweater smelling of mothballs like it smelled in the closet where you kissed me in November. i'll travel far away for you across highways of rugged tar and wish on every minute of the clock just to see if it really does work the wind will blow in direction of my car and push me back back back it'll push me and whisper back back back comfort doesn't want you back back back i stray away from cliché so i love you in a strange way unknown to many known to many, i wouldn't know i've never been too keen on other people's feelings but in my mind i hold you as high as a supreme being and you treat me like a commoner but it's okay, it's okay i love you in a strange way. |
Submitted on 2007-06-27 14:49:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| I really like your style, I think that we think alike. I like your randomness and tangents. I feel like I really am in your head when I read your work. I have a few little issues with your repetition in the 3rd stanza. You repeat silk, and you kinda repeat with smelling and smelled. I tried tinkering/rewording, and couldn't come up with anything, and then I read it again, and it didn't sound so bad. I just always try not to be repetitious unless it is a pattern in my poems. But it's not really that big of a deal. Great work, Nicely | Posted on 2007-11-10 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ] | "we used to lie beneath the sky at dusk | we used to lie through our teeth when we had to" I really like these lines especially. Sigh. This poetic meandering through dirty laundry (grandma's sweater and closets! hm!) is very interesting to me. I like the details you give... I often find myself liking concrete details in poems and songs—not just general statements, for example you could have said "It smelled of dust in the closet where you kissed me" but instead you gave us more details of mothballs and "where you kissed me in November." I like the details. "but it's okay, it's okay i love you in a strange way." I love your last lines very much. | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ] | |
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