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    dots Submission Name: For...you. I'm sorry.dots

    Author: Hyperbolypses
    ASL Info:    16/F/Ut
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 54/12/9
    Words: 258
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 794
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1819

       Ah...Just...my idiotic self...being a retard... heh, It's embedded...which probably messed it up...but agh...why does it hurt so much?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor...you. I'm sorry.dots

    a thousand breaths,
    a million utterances, do not escape
    my lips upon the falling of the sun.
    caught. They’re caught inside
    the bleeding; the ripping; the tearing;
    the stinging pings of the tiny cracks
    as they chisel their way along
    the small sculptured heart of glass,
    held within it’s gilded silver cage.

    Extended wings are broken, fractured,
    Twittering pitifully, they flutter
    Helplessly, wrenched to the lowest point
    And smothered
    Naught, but by my vile, traitorous tongue.
    Inimical; Disinclined; and balking,
    Wicked horror. color fades behind my lips
    And blood flows to rim my mouth,
    Silent. I sew my lips shut, it cannot be known.

    Willingly bile and blood swallowed: Water and strychnine.
    Retrospect replaces regret; though, it will never fade
    Only sweets from your gentle word will
    Negate ignorance from scarring.
    Gentle; caressing; longing touch
    Illegitimate reasons, rash thoughts lead to
    Miserable encounters and a rush of bitter agony.

    Stabbed quickly; accepted without scorn
    Or so appearances would have led me to believe
    Recalcitrant heart; oh whore of my soul
    Reeking of lies and putrid desire,
    Yes, with judgment misplaced
    Instant and merciless, fate prostituted her proud hatred

    Lying to the woman in the mirror, you were relinquished to her
    “Only memories” she said, will you keep.
    Vindictive, it is, for fate is a cruel creature
    Even she cannot resist jealousy
    Yet still, into the dark abyss…please do not say it
    Only in my arms may you speak it…
    Understand…that I never, my love, wanted it to end…

    Submitted on 2007-06-28 01:55:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      so many brilliant lines,its hard for me to reconstruct...
    seems like the person (you?) broke up with someone and then were forced to regret your decision and now your haunted by looking back and putting the other person up on a plateau.

    all the feelings you get in that situation are described really well:

    Illegitimate reasons, rash thoughts lead to
    Miserable encounters and a rush of bitter agony

    Retrospect replaces regret; though, it will never fade

    Thing is there are so many images that its hard to decipher what your saying and its just more of an overwhelming feeling you get from this rather than a message,which is really cool.

    Its written expertly and puts so many depressed poems to shame,(some of my own too lol).

    Im sorry if I have things wrong here,I guess I just took the above meaning (of regret for losing someone) because it applys to me at this time...

    But however you meant the piece I think its great and certainly not craaaaaapy as you put it,so great stuff outta you:-)

    And thanks for the lovely comment you gave me on "Low",I rarely feel people have actually enjoyed my stuff.

    Nice to meet ya

    | Posted on 2007-07-01 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Intense. I think I've had moments like this before. Infact... I'm pretty damn sure I've had this moment. Espically the 1am part. My guess is that this work let you go to sleep after a hell of a lot of tears and emotion. I can totally relate to that. And since it was written at 1am, you probably dont remember much of what was going through your head as you wrote this (again, just an assumption) so I'm not gonna go into the nitty gritty stuff.

    But I guess the worst of times yield the best of poems.
    | Posted on 2007-06-30 00:00:00 | by Zai | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. this obviously was someone really important to you. i can relate to this a lot, lately, actually. this is just...very well written, and i like the idea of making someone wonder what your true intentions are at this point. i enjoyed reading it, and i hope things get better for you and her...
    | Posted on 2007-06-29 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
      ohhh... but if you could only hear me read it...It would sound much more...the way I wanted it to be...
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by Hyperbolypses | [ Reply to This ]
      Craaaapppy poem.... good thing it was one in the morning or i'd be very much disappointed in myself.
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by Hyperbolypses | [ Reply to This ]
      whoa. I really like it. I mean I can feel the pain and agony, and it seems like you were in love. And then it ended, but you just want to go right back. Except you know that saying something about it, will only make matters worse. And you want him to take the same vow as you and remain well...celibant? Actually more of silent. Then you are blaming this on something more physical and not on the emotion because that way it hurts less.

    Good write, I enjoyed it. Well I dont think enjoyed is the right word. I just felt the pain of it.

    Keep it up (except happier haha)

    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]
      im not ethan but im gonna read it anyway... that okay..?

    you do have a message in this piece.
    i think to an extent your heartache and regret portrude from this piece but i really dont feel that you have sewn as much of your anguish into this piece as you could have.
    part of me feels this is too thought out to be as agonised as i think it should be.
    your words are big adn dramatic but the heart of this piece doesnt feel as passionately as the words would lead me to believe.

    and i do not know why that is.
    perhaps you want to think about changing the title coz it really doesnt contribute at all that much to the piece itself. the reader can tell from your words that you are sorry.

    and while i know this is an intensely personal piece and that my comment is prolly very unwelcome i guess... i guess there needs to be something more than words to show the depth of your sorrow that whatever it was you had ended...

    as for why it has to hurt so much... i dunno... life really sucks like that...
    good luck and stay strong

    [oh... and i like your hyperbole/ellipses name... well i assume thats the look you were going for... very creative...]
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      If you don't get it, I understand. Just look carefully at it..if you look at it right, the message stands out.
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by Hyperbolypses | [ Reply to This ]

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