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    dots Submission Name: Allergic to Inkdots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/390/136
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 835
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 882

       Allergic, rash... get it? Hahaha?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAllergic to Inkdots

    I've unexpectedly become allergic
    to ink written for the sake
    of watching obsidian shimmer on ivory
    with no mind for comprehension of duality,
    to beards and foppish French hats,
    the smells of stale coffee and pretension
    wafting from the podium where words
    dribble out and splash forgotten
    against the floor like keg dregs
    no more meaning than a cheap night
    with a cheap whore in a cheap hotel
    just use them up and toss them in the trash
    to moulder and decay in rotten abandonment.

    It makes me break out into a rash
    untempered writhe, flailing thrashing raging
    and oh God I wish we were all empathetic
    these words aren't enough, can never be enough
    to tell you how I feel, and you'll never
    understand exactly why I hate you so much.

    Submitted on 2007-06-28 22:31:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      This makes me think of you sitting in a coffee house, full of marijuana smoke and coffee, fingers clicking in praise of the beat poet who doesn't deserve it. His words are nothing, and they fall short of a good poem. You ignore him, angry at such a useless poem, angry that he wasted words, breath, and your time.

    At least, that's what popped into my head when I read this.

    I think beat poets are weird. But I do like goatees, berets, and french words smattered here and there.
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
      well... as i read this i decided it was either aimed at George W Bush or at all the emo angsters on this site. [no offence to any who support or come under either category intended]

    im rather allergic to the needless waste of ink... just like needless bloodshed... neither do anything for my state of being.

    but then... to the emo angsters who write their 'i hate my life i wanna die' pieces that isnt needless use of ink... that is their hearts cry apparently and their reality and so i guess its all about perspective.

    however when politicians use words to solve nothing... to promise the world and deliever nothing but hell... well thats a completely different matter isnt it...?
    i mean... there is very little room for relativity in that case because it is

    you have some great imagery in this piece.
    i think it would be enhanced if you put some thought into punctuation. most of the first stanza reads as one sentence.
    i dont think the line breaks are substantial enough to support this piece without punctuation.

    the smells of stale coffee and pretension
    wafting from the podium where words
    dribble out and splash forgotten
    against the floor like keg dregs

    i liked this image here a whole lot though i must confess when i was reading dribble out and splash all i could think of was some old man with a prostate problem haha.

    no more meaning than a cheap night
    with a cheap whore in a cheap hotel

    im torn over the effectiveness of the repetition of cheap cheap cheap. it works but it could be over statement and yet maybe thats what it needs to be driven home...

    but yes... a very strong piece here all the same. i quite enjoyed it
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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