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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Man, not Mendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: giventofly
    ASL Info:    19/M/Seattle, Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 74/75/27
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 954



    Description:
       This is what came of a recent perousal of Anthem, the novella by Ayn Rand.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMan, not Mendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Heavy feelings of a million
    slosh and sway.
    The gray sky drowns a precious sun,
    but chafes the eyes of none.
    …as if there were something beyond to see.
    It’s all here.
    Heaven and Earth and Sea are we.

    The body of the planet runs
    and moves and lives as one…
    until today.
    Unearthed from clay
    was this glass globe
    that will remove this “brotherhood’s” robes
    and clothe us in thoughts left behind,
    that seems to break off
    this ration of flesh, this soul,
    this mind…

    Who is we?

    And suddenly the lie is broken
    an era, not born, but awoken
    will now rise against this weight
    and free those who will to hold its fate.

    The sun, the rain, the breeze
    exist, no longer for us, but for me.
    And the creed of one
    of man, not men,
    this alone has set me free.




    Submitted on 2007-06-29 20:07:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Holds its weight through the reference and allusions- and that is fine, I suppose. After reading the description, and knowing the source material, it's hard to say if it stands on it's own.

    A few derisive comments:
    1. Ayn Rand is a frigid [censored].
    I've never held her views particularly high. They're such me-first, pro-capitalist propoganda. And I think that's everything that's wrong with society. The hordes who think it's part of their natural individualist right to pollute the planet, scarf down junk food and [censored] everyone they don't like. The reason the candidate who spends the most money almost always gets elected. The reason we have places like 3rd ward, where I lived for two years amongst crack addicts and people who'd beat other people over the head with a tire iron for some extra cash.

    2. also
    "chafes the eyes of none" seems a bit... wrong.


    Other than that... decent rhyme scheme. Definite classical romantic lilt to it. Props for that. "brotherhood" doesn't need the quotes, it makes it seem overly sarcastic and juvenile... that's all I got.
    | Posted on 2007-08-12 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      This writing reminds me a great deal of some famous poet. You said it was from anthem? or was it inspired by anthem? I love that book by the way...it's so weird... anyway. It is a beautiful poem with rhythm and rhyme and many other things I could dote on, but mainly I enjoy the flow and how it feels when I read it. It has some very interesting thoughts in there.

    Who is we?

    That, I think is my favorite line. Who IS we? A beautiful question...I should like to think on it more.
    | Posted on 2007-06-30 00:00:00 | by Hyperbolypses | [ Reply to This ]


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