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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Our Raindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadia Dark
    ASL Info:    17/F/California dreamin..
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 186/177/98
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 976
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1307



    Description:
       i wrote this a while ago and just havent gotten around to typing it up.... i stole the title from guermo but thats ok cuz its about him :D i dont like verse one but the rest is ok... tell me what ya think!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Raindots
    -------------------------------------------


    [chorus]
    Can you hear it
    From a million miles away
    My heart still beats for you
    The rhythm of our love
    And as the dark clouds come and overtake me
    I know no sun could penetrate this
    Itís our rain

    [heavy music intro]

    [verse one]
    Across the dessert
    Over mountains
    My eyes become flowing fountains
    With this rain
    I feel my painÖ
    [brief musical bridge]
    And as I sit here on the airplane
    I know that you can feel the same thing
    We will bear this storm together
    Itís our rain

    [bridge]
    Puddles form and raindrops crash around me
    The sounds surround me
    These crying screams of pain
    Each tear that falls from fragile eyes
    Makes a little piece of my heart die
    Iíll fall asleep crying here for you
    Without you my world breaks and tears apart

    [chorus]

    [verse two]
    Our rain falls
    And crashes to the ground
    Iím drowning in the puddles
    Starting to surround me
    Just when my legs
    Canít tread water any more
    And the waves swell above my head
    You jump in and save me
    From my sea of misery

    [chorus]




    Submitted on 2007-06-29 20:10:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Its quite going one, but it would help me and other readers if you would and/or could tell us the basic riffs for it - or describe them. Anyways - i have few suggestions you could make - nothing big but i think it would flow better with these little changes.
    1.
    Across the dessert
    Over mountains
    -->
    Across the dessert
    Over the mountains
    2.
    And as I sit here on the airplane
    I know that you can feel the same thing
    -->
    And as I sit here on the plane
    I know that you feel the same
    3.
    From my sea of misery
    -->
    From the sea of misery

    Othervise its very workin' and, catchy I might say. Personally I liked it a lot, but I still think you might wanna pounder my suggestions a bit ;)
    | Posted on 2007-06-30 00:00:00 | by Rainmaker | [ Reply to This ]


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