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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: HARD LOVEdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: XmaryjaneX
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 142/38/9
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1122
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 823



    Description:
       wrote this for emily...my siva`met (my love/ forever to my heart connected)

    I LOVE YOU.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHARD LOVEdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your Eyes
    Eyes So True
    Filled With Pain
    That Life Caused You

    Your Lips
    Petals Of Calamity
    Passion So Sweet
    It's Almost Like Your Mad At Me

    You've Been Gone
    Far Too Long

    Your Hair
    In My Face
    This Place Between Awareness
    And Dreaming

    I'm Seeing Red
    My Head Is Screaming

    Your Smile
    I Could Get Lost In Its Beauty
    When You Smile
    I Forget The World
    And All It's Cruelity

    Your Skin
    Against My Skin
    Feels Like My Heart
    Is Finally Beating Again

    Your Hands Entwined With Mine
    These Things I'll Keep
    ...
    I'll Keep You
    For All Of Time




    Submitted on 2007-06-30 22:14:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      HARD LOVE is somewhat appropriate for this poem. It does show that you have a passion for this young lady. You clearly use imagination in a realistic way. How you discribed her body parts were pretty good, they had emotion within. If I could paint a picture of your friend, it would look like a masterpiece.

    "Your Eyes
    Eyes So True
    Filled With Pain
    That Life Caused You"

    I could read this as a rage piece or a slow, melodic jazz piece, either way would work. It shows that there are some poems that can pull off more than one style. I don't know what you were trying to go for personally, but I like the reciting it to myself like it was a slow-tempered piece.

    A lot of people go through pain, but to know one lover's pain is hard to go through. As a couple though, you have enough strength to get throught it and grow. You don't necessarily have to be a couple to do that though, it could be a group of people such as family.

    "Your Lips
    Petals Of Calamity
    Passion So Sweet
    It's Almost Like Your Mad At Me"

    Aw, I thought this stanza shone through the rest of the poem. You have passion, lips, and petals. They all string together and work together like a poem should. I kinda tend to think that lips and petals (especially pink petals) are a sign of passion. I find when you have a lover and they're mad at you, you feel heartbroken. It makes you want to love them more. Love for a person can build up into a great relationship, but it could turn into a vice of lust.

    "You've Been Gone
    Far Too Long"

    This stanza is a little bit short, but it has enough relevance and importance to the title to stay. Away from those who you love can torture the heart, and its end results can be tragic. I think you nailed this stanza very well for being so short.

    "Your Hair
    In My Face
    This Place Between Awareness
    And Dreaming

    I'm Seeing Red
    My Head Is Screaming"

    This is probably your lowest part in the poem. I was pretty much stumped and how to critique it. To tell you the truth, it's not bad, it's standard. When you're with this person, you feel happy. We all feel happy when we have people around, it keeps us sane and just.

    "Your Smile
    I Could Get Lost In Its Beauty
    When You Smile
    I Forget The World
    And All It's Cruelity"

    Her smile is like a safe drug to use, that's what you are basically saying. It is nice to know that someone's smile can cheer someone up and forget about what's going on, but what you must know is that the world and its cruelity will take your loved one away one day. What are you going to do?

    Love can be torture, but without torture, there's no point to living.

    "Your Skin
    Against My Skin
    Feels Like My Heart
    Is Finally Beating Again"

    Love can bring the most dim souls back to life. Love might not be universal to many, but it's a cure to other's pains. I'm not talking about the bad love that you buy from a woman either on the corner, I mean real love, the love that keeps the fire inside the heart burning. If a single touch can ignite passion, then wonders can happen.

    "Your Hands Entwined With Mine
    These Things I'll Keep
    ...
    I'll Keep You
    For All Of Time"

    Hold onto your love, keep it solid and head through the battlefield of hardships. A long relationship will keep you living for a long time, I think.

    This was a superb write. I hope that you continue to write more and have a safe relationship. I don't know how it can be done differently, I'm not one to experience bisexual relationships or anything complex like that. I'm lacking in the end than I usually do, sorry.
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by Finnigan | [ Reply to This ]
      OH my gosh.... she commenting.... yea yea [censored] you thought i forgot to come and see ya page .... nope juss been so busy. i realy love this . its super sweet. tell emily (if she hasnt gone back to cali already) that Erica the petite [censored] says hi. Grace you know how i feel about bisexuals, but you to are the cutest and sweetest , i ve ever seen. I love you and i wish yall the best in the future.

    Tell her to call me................. :) hahahahaha.... yea [censored] she could of had me. juss kiddin ... i love yall ............

    ode to the two sexiest bis in the whole world.......
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by DrkRomeo_sGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sweet and romantic!i really like it!!!this earned u another favourites add!!!

    EsCaPisT
    | Posted on 2007-07-06 00:00:00 | by EsCaPisT | [ Reply to This ]
      Highly romantic and potent piece of poetry...deftly and so well done... bravo ... bravo ... bravo ...michael
    | Posted on 2007-07-03 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      good write.Its very sweet.

    keep it up
    ~safire
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      good write.Its very sweet.

    keep it up
    ~safire
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Minion? I like that, and you're; subtleties? haha. Anyways. This was awesome; I have to take a shyt, brb;...whew, damn; alright; I feel much better now, thank you. Shyt(Xscuse the pun) now that's like 3-4 times I've read(had to again, after the shyt, duhr) but I'm not complaining, if it sucked, I probabily wouldn't have; probabily, not posotive, never know with me. Somethings suck so much, you just HAVE to read them again, you know. right. So you're write? Sweet, in every aspect! It's beautiful, and you show as in away, how she seems to you. You show the pain, and the beauty, with the heartache and madness, all in 1 whirlwind. And still end it, with such a glimpse of hope, a picture of love stapled on your heart? I'm impressed. I don't see how it can be improved. Just hope things, with you and her pan out alright. Peace, love, and that bullshyt!
    | Posted on 2007-07-01 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      So sweet it made me think of a past love...this is beautiful. very nice write.
    | Posted on 2007-06-30 00:00:00 | by EL | [ Reply to This ]


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