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I want to play with you for hours like
Nintendo in 1987, staring
At your breasts until my eyes hurt
And water up. I want my fingers
Crawling and climbing
Through the dungeons and mountains of your body,
Pushing all your buttons in the right
Combinations. It doesn't matter
If I get carpal tunnel syndrome, or
Seizures from over-exposure.
I want to be the hero of your saga, fair maiden,
And when at last I win your heart
I’ll press reset and win it again.
| *Excellent* analogy. I loved playing nintendo back in the day. I still try my hand at video games every now and again but they just don't hold the same thrall that unimaginative, grey box held me in for so many hours. |
I think it's the sheer simplicity I can connect with. The beauty of effortless sex with a woman you are completely fascinated by. It's an interesting concept, video games as a metaphor for sex (and vice versa). It works for you here.
Another gold star write. Brilliant.
|| Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ] || Hi BRT, nice poem you wrote there.|
Perhaps someone should have warned you not to chop things up when you started to, since once you start doing that it's like a bad trip some poets never get out off for the rest of their life. But let met not insult your poetic genius with my lame rambling and get to the poem.
I liked the flow and you really get something going. The last line is lacking though, doesn't really round it up in a nice way. You might want to have another look at it =]
|| Posted on 2004-11-12 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ] || i thought i had commented on this one before.. this is really interesting in that you've combined two completely opposite concepts and come up with your own unique definition for love/lust. |
there's the innocence with the nintendo analogy.. or maybe childish is a better way to describe it? either way.. that alongside the crawling and climbing where flesh is involved.. it seems a bit weird but endearing at the same time. i'm not sure how to describe it... either way.. i like what you've done here.
|| Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ] || Lol! wow, this is a great poem, a complete flirt. I specially like the comparisons you make, really funny too, made me laugh a lot. This is just great!||| Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by April0414 | [ Reply to This ] || Hahahahahahaha! this made me giggle out loud...You funny guy! I know what you're talking about with the right combinations...Oh, the treasures those buttons unlock...||| Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ] || not exactly what i was expecting...but very original, the last line/image especially, a new cool way of saying something that's been said before, fresh. made me wonder what my thoughts were in '87 playing Mario all day;)||| Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ] || Very nice, very nice...I remember those days when it was nothing to stay up until the wee hours of the morning pressing those damn buttons...||| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ] || The question that really comes to mind when I read this is "Do you spend time trying to come up with these similies or do they come to you?" Interesting write! :)||| Posted on 2004-06-17 00:00:00 | by SMUPartyGirl | [ Reply to This ] || wow...an analogy that speaks directly to me...i also was an addict of the nintendo (and koleco vision before that)...carpal tunnel was ignored...the mission too important...you couldn't save and come back (1987...no mario 3, the first saveable)...you had to spend your time, slowly perfecting...slipping up and coming back..setting to memory the points of entry and retreat, the secret rooms, the hidden keys...cheat codes were for wusses (unless it was up up down down left right left right B A B A select start)...sometimes the games wouldn't start...you'd have to blow through your shirt into the cartridge...but no was unnacceptable...bed times were violated...punishments were ignored...nice write...though i'll be honest, i'm enough of a loser that if i had a nintendo fresh out of 87, i might choose that first...(haven't owned a system since)...|
|| Posted on 2004-06-17 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ] || Ohhh I loved playing nintendo... to bad i wasn't alive in 1987.. lol. But after I was around for a few years I was playing it... haha. Anyways this was a cool poem.. it didn't really have a flow or rhythm to it, but it was still good.|
|| Posted on 2004-06-17 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ] || LoL Good write as usual. I like the comparison you made, but I will admit I thought it was really going to be about a Nintendo. I still have mine, it's a 1985 model. Even older than me! I bought it at a yard sale a few years ago and it doesn't work anymore. I loved playing Mario. Well that has nothing to do with what you wrote about but anyway~! Great write. I enjoyed it like Nintendo in 1985. (he he) |
|| Posted on 2004-06-17 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ] || LOL, you should have put something in there about crappy Nintendo music or something. I don't think I would've repeated the like analogy at the end though. I would have just said "I won't take no for an answer."||| Posted on 2004-06-17 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ] || Games people play huh?--and so addictive that more basic needs, like food and sleep are temporarily re-assigned to lesser rungs on the human needs ladder. You are right on the money here, the compulsion, fascination--that lie you tell yourself--"just one more time". This sentiment rocks ever so much more than "I want to hold your ha--a-a-and"--. |
I don't like so many "I"s in a poem though, I think some could be eliminated--but on the other hand it is an ego poem about your own needs for gratification--(I want this and I won't take no for an answer!) Original thought though, and certainly makes your point. well done, silver
|| Posted on 2004-06-17 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ] || Cool, like the song by Melanie back before those games, "you've got a pair of brand new roller skates, I've got a brand new key"|
I go the opposite of Cuddle, I'd leave the "like 1987" in but omit the "I won't take no" That just seems to change the tone too much for me. But perhaps it was supposed to seem more demanding than I thought all along?
|| Posted on 2004-06-18 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ] || i dont remember you eversubmitting this...must of missed it ...ive never heard anyone compare a persons body with a video game system...i really like this ecspecially the part about carpal tunnel and seizures...smiles ange||| Posted on 2004-07-04 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ] |