Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: White Train Angelsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Derrick Thomas
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 21/59/39
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1007
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 418



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhite Train Angelsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look at the way you feel.
    The dark choir sings of

    change

    and

    regret. (and speed, speed, going up!)

    White train angels tear
    through the mind,
    giving so much
    but taking it back.

    (clang clatter smash crash)

    Go cry to your mommy,
    you're out.




    Submitted on 2007-07-02 13:57:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      @ Ergolgo: read it again. It's speed quite obviously. :) While I haven't ever taken it, I do know that awful feeling you have afterwards from X or amfepramone containing diet pills . We call it the pit. :) The stuff is not taking anything back though. There is no free energy. What the stuff does is make your energy burn faster. What you're experiencing afterwards is exhaustion equal to the amount of energy spent. You also loose quite a lot of minerals through sweat because you move a lot. That's why you see people drinking mineral water at parties all the time. I've found out that effervescent mineral tablets work best. That and a good joint or ketamine to make you sleep! :)
    | Posted on 2011-07-08 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure if this is a nod toward cocain or chyrstal meth. Having never touched either I can not say that I totally relate.
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I'm sorry for that. Unless of course there was more good than bad.

    Then, tell more tell me more, didja get very far? Uh huh, uh huh, oh yeaaahh ahhh.


    I think this may just be the answer to the universe Donny Derricko. When I've got more time I'll give you a complete analysis. But for now I think there were some allusions, to drugs for one, for the universe dilemma's that we've talked about for to, and probably just descriptions of a trip as the general theme. But dayme...I like it. It is thought provoking.
    | Posted on 2007-07-05 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      this is interesting, it makes me want to crawl inside your mind and live there, perusing all your thoughts at my leisure until i fully understand you...

    you are simply so beyond my level of comprehension that it makes me sad...'

    you are a wonderful writer, love

    xoxox
    | Posted on 2007-07-04 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      i want to connect with this.
    i am so close to doing so but just cant quite... ugh!


    in some ways the imagery in this piece makes me lean toward some kind of band. white train angels and black choir singing... the speeding up and clang and clashing...

    this seems to me to be written differently to most of the other things ive read from you but your voice is still very clearly you. you have a very distinguished voice that never ceases to wrap me up in confusion and frustration because i feel so close to understanding and yet nowhere near at the same time...



    The dark choir sings of

    change

    and

    regret. (and speed, speed, going up!)

    this part here seems most clever to me... the idea of the change and the regret occuring quicker and more frequently and the speed at which life is lived and the song is sung is ever increasing... speed speed going up...

    but the going up makes me think of a rollercoaster in the way you make your ascent and you KNOW whats coming next but its just a matter of waiting for it... waiting for it... and then it tears through your being leaving you breathless and hoarse...


    giving so much
    and taking it back

    what is there to gain?
    whats the benefit in being given something to have it taken away..?

    go cry to mama indeed.
    | Posted on 2007-07-03 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the images:

    "White train angels tear
    through the mind"

    Theres a sense of speed an velocity here as you say white train angels,which due to choice of words makes me think of great beams of light impacting your mind from the inside (which is a complex image),

    This conflicts with your opening image of a dark choir,these white "train angels" seem to come from them (to me) and theres a paradox in that,its a cool one though,I just dont feel sure of sure what you mean or if you mean it to be so.

    I guess what I can gather from this is that this is how you feel,maybe its feels s if your thoughts are constantly conflicting,I suppose theres a sense of panic even,with the going up and up sense,

    all in all I like the piece,I'm just a tad confused about it,especially with the last line,perhaps its to signify death or something, ("your out"),in any case I don't think it fits the poem at all,as if the poem is to be open to readers interpretation it just throws them off,
    but maybe if you don't want it to be interpreted in any particular way then I suppose it doesn't really matter,

    anyways cool work,I just think if I was to understand it better Id need a description or something,its up to you.

    thanks for the read anyways

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    145978

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Giving written by jjd
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Song written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry