Well I'm sorry for that. Unless of course there was more good than bad.
Then, tell more tell me more, didja get very far? Uh huh, uh huh, oh yeaaahh ahhh.
I think this may just be the answer to the universe Donny Derricko. When I've got more time I'll give you a complete analysis. But for now I think there were some allusions, to drugs for one, for the universe dilemma's that we've talked about for to, and probably just descriptions of a trip as the general theme. But dayme...I like it. It is thought provoking.
this is interesting, it makes me want to crawl inside your mind and live there, perusing all your thoughts at my leisure until i fully understand you...
you are simply so beyond my level of comprehension that it makes me sad...'
i want to connect with this.
i am so close to doing so but just cant quite... ugh!
in some ways the imagery in this piece makes me lean toward some kind of band. white train angels and black choir singing... the speeding up and clang and clashing...
this seems to me to be written differently to most of the other things ive read from you but your voice is still very clearly you. you have a very distinguished voice that never ceases to wrap me up in confusion and frustration because i feel so close to understanding and yet nowhere near at the same time...
The dark choir sings of
change
and
regret. (and speed, speed, going up!)
this part here seems most clever to me... the idea of the change and the regret occuring quicker and more frequently and the speed at which life is lived and the song is sung is ever increasing... speed speed going up...
but the going up makes me think of a rollercoaster in the way you make your ascent and you KNOW whats coming next but its just a matter of waiting for it... waiting for it... and then it tears through your being leaving you breathless and hoarse...
giving so much
and taking it back
what is there to gain?
whats the benefit in being given something to have it taken away..?
Theres a sense of speed an velocity here as you say white train angels,which due to choice of words makes me think of great beams of light impacting your mind from the inside (which is a complex image),
This conflicts with your opening image of a dark choir,these white "train angels" seem to come from them (to me) and theres a paradox in that,its a cool one though,I just dont feel sure of sure what you mean or if you mean it to be so.
I guess what I can gather from this is that this is how you feel,maybe its feels s if your thoughts are constantly conflicting,I suppose theres a sense of panic even,with the going up and up sense,
all in all I like the piece,I'm just a tad confused about it,especially with the last line,perhaps its to signify death or something, ("your out"),in any case I don't think it fits the poem at all,as if the poem is to be open to readers interpretation it just throws them off,
but maybe if you don't want it to be interpreted in any particular way then I suppose it doesn't really matter,
anyways cool work,I just think if I was to understand it better Id need a description or something,its up to you.
Submission Name: White Train Angels
