Description: i don't write as well as i used to unfortunetly (misspelled) but i hope its not as bad as i see it, i would appreciate comments that would help make it better thanks
Dust -------------------------------------------
Lost inside
No place to go
Boiling away
The shades of hope
Slender scars
To hide the pain
The clouds are dust
No relief for the shamed
Alone and quiet
Wishing death here
Losing my sanity
To eons of fear
I just think you need a bit more imagery. When you say you are "lost inside" show me what it looks like, give me some anology or comparision that lets me see or feel a peice of what you are feeling.
I like the clouds are dust line, I would like it if you took that image even farther, it was a good image.
the last line is good. thanks for the read those are my two cents.
good job.
the flow seems choppy
and it only rhymes in some spots
Idk if thats what u were going for or if thats the kinda stuff u wanted help with.
I dont understand why you chose this title for this peom either I just dont think it fits
out of the nit picking
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I love the part were u say-
Letting go
of all inside
No witness to
My suicide
It has good flow,rhyme and it makes good sence!
Submission Name: Dust
