mood; the usual -------------------------------------------
a sixth sense and a murder of crows
the blackbird symphony brings me to my knees
not the way you promised
i find myself lost
the heart is where the hole is...yea
the heart is where the hole is
do you mind that i don't care
as the rain comes i see my only love
a sunburst inside me
can you see
from the inside out
i don't remember what it means to care
only one speaks the words that make sense
oh no here comes the sun and all the colors
bleed to grey
It's brimming with context!!! WFT, mate??? Every one wants MORE- and when you give more- they all beg for LESS! Excess IS less!!! Simple, flow- pictures painted... Dudge, that is the best intro line to a poem I have EVER READ!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh- people split my head in twain!!! I mean, is the source really that significant???
If you could throw in a rhyming line for the one ending in 'knees' that would be TIGHT! Oh, a sunburst inside? I speak your clear words, the ones that make sense- however muddled this comment may be! ;)
I will say this- the feeling of it- of this- it's of a limitless potential. You could polish this, with some of these awesome lines you have, into a full blown oral orgasm. I kid you not. DO IT!
What cheap blood in gray matters...
I agree with girly. I would also love to see some context to this poem. What exactly is making you feel this way?
Here is an analogy that I like to use. You know in a horror film, that first girl to get killed off? You don't really know her yet because her character never had time to be developed. So although she sets up whatever is horrific about the rest of the movie, and when you understand what was going on later in the movie her death might mean something...in those first ten or fifteen minutes her death is not that important.
This poem just makes me long for a back story- I bet it is just as interesting as the poem itself. I want to fast-forward through the rest of the movie and see what her deal was. Just a few lines would do it. For instance, in these lines:
"the blackbird symphony brings me to my knees
not the way you promised"
I'm really interested to know what the promise was. And later, what made you (or whoever's voice this is) feel lost. And why your heart is gone and what you don't care about.
Choke full of fine poetic languge throughtout--I love the "murder of crows" (how about "epiphany of larks"?) a sad and brooding piece, but very well and deftly done! bravo... bravo... bravo ... michael