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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Paper Wings dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: armand
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 1173/1189/206
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Prose/Dark
    Total Views: 1295
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1116



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPaper Wings dots
    -------------------------------------------


    And then there was me and I
    the reinfection or sorts of the
    mind, spirit and soul of a Midwest youth
    struggles to reinsert himself into that popular
    mind set in which we are spoonfeed as children.

    And then there was me and I
    here I am God right next to your beauty
    being crucified with bloody hands
    dying for my own sins as well as yours
    heh imagine a self-righteous sinner.

    And then there was me and I
    through out the many characters that my
    mind has created
    have you ever looked into the eyes of the man called suicide
    as he stood cold at the foot of your bed?
    I wonder was it real or dream?


    So I fucked myself into a chance to believe
    and here I am for you to reap
    the shit you feed and the shit you bleed
    dear God, down on broken knees

    Before the sins and before the lies
    and then there was me and I
    the poet without a purpose
    the writer without a story
    and a manifestation without an idea




    Submitted on 2007-07-02 18:39:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Reading this feels good. It's raw- understandable in that it's your first here- but that gives a fullness to it. Your "self-righteous" grey Christ adds dimensions to the text, as much as the mixed nature of the title.

    &, (no offence meant to anyone, but) in a way, what Christ committed was suicide. Yours isn't just anarchy, it's quite human.

    You got some powerful sentiments that connect, and whatever was excess, has satisfied by the last lines that I loved the most
    "the writer without a story
    and a manifestation without an idea"
    | Posted on 2014-01-10 00:00:00 | by Snow9 | [ Reply to This ]
      i've read this like 5 or 6 times.

    still not quite sure what to think, let alone say.

    it seems almost like a beginning and an end. almost cyclic or seeming so.

    Before the sins and before the lies
    and then there was me and I
    the poet without a purpose
    the writer without a story
    and a manifestation without an idea

    the before
    and then

    it makes everything seem to have two sides, like both are just one.

    "a manifestation without an idea."

    believe me i've been there, in my own way. still not sure if i still am. confusion is a hard cold to shake. it's enough to drive one crazy
    or confirm one's arrival.

    i find this piece brilliant, and maybe it's just an interpretation, but to me it seems to hold more meaning each read. and for that i gotta ad this to my fav.s

    easy acces.

    good write man. hopefully they'll be more while we're both "surfaced"

    take care of yourself.

    Ryan
    | Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel like I should be the only one on your wall that would post that I hate it. But I can't say that. So to sound cliché I have to say that this was pretty remarkable. My favorite part is actually split but it's:

    dear God, down on broken knees

    Before the sins and before the lies
    and then there was me and I
    the poet without a purpose
    the writer without a story

    It makes me wonder if sins and lies is what make the poet have a purpose, and makes the writer have a story.

    Cat
    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]
      You always make me feel like I'm becoming part of the piece - I agree, your writings are oft indicative of where you are at in your life and you are one with much passion, sometimes anger yet a deep understanding.

    I really enjoyed everything about this piece - its title, its rawness......bravo!

    Happy Day!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    tif
    | Posted on 2007-07-20 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you were going for spoonfed instead of spoonfeed in the first stanza, but other than that, I can't get enough of your dark sacrimasochistic words. This is going with your sin a god trinity.
    | Posted on 2007-07-19 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      i meant to comment on this forever ago and just never made it back to do so.

    ive followed your words for the longest time. theyve always been a gauge of where you are at in your ideas of God because somehow thats what you mostly seem to write about and it always interests me because i cannot write about god... i have tried and i have failed and now i just dont try... i read your stuff instead. we are not at the same place spiritually but i always know that your words are real and honest and that if i could write something about my experience of god it would be with the same conviction with which you write.

    and i said all of this because i like the end of this piece most of all. the way it sounds, to me, as if you are saying that before you were aware of god and of sin and of your need for him that you had nothing to write about but now that you are aware of such things, whether you accept them or not at any given time, you have things to write about and a voice with which to write them...

    it interests me.

    i think your repetitious line

    And then there was me and I

    works but doesnt.
    it works because there is something about the idea that i like but it doesnt work because for the most part the rest of the stanza is a different tense from and then there was me and i which, to me, is past tense...
    i guess thats something to be aware of. i dont know whether you would want to change it or not but i do think it brings in a little confusion the way it is...


    your second stanza is wonderful and it reminds me of the scene in forrest gump where theyre in the storm at sea and lieutenant dan is up the mast screaming "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!"

    yeah...
    the only thing i dont get is the relevance of the title...
    | Posted on 2007-07-19 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      And then there was me and I
    throughout the many characters that my
    mind has created
    have you ever looked into the eyes of the man called suicide
    as he stood cold at the foot of your bed?
    I wonder was it real or dream?


    I absolutely loved this stanza. The many characters that my mind has created....that just sticks out so brilliantly to me...as a writer...a reader...on those lonely nights when you just need something to believe in.

    To be honest with you, the only thing I Dont like is the title. it reminds me of a song from the soundtrack of Hope Floats...which, brace yourself, is called Paper Wings. Of course, it plays out nothing like this, but that's just what I keep thinking of when I see your title. It just doesnt seem dark enough to give your write here that POP-factor.

    but I loves it. It's nice to see the great Armand back and in action
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this,I think you should put what its about tho and it would make it easyier to understand

    ~safire
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a brilliant piece! I really enjoyed reading! there is not a thing I would change!my favorite stanzas were:
    " So I [censored]ed myself into a chance to believe
    and here I am for you to reap
    the [censored] you feed and the [censored] you bleed
    dear God, down on broken knees

    Before the sins and before the lies
    and then there was me and I
    the poet without a purpose
    the writer without a story
    and a manifestation without an idea"

    Then i really liked these lines:
    "dying for my own sins as well as yours
    heh imagine a self-righteous sinner."

    "have you ever looked into the eyes of the man called suicide
    as he stood cold at the foot of your bed?"

    Wonderful write!

    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by EL | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my gosh, this was incredible! i can see it as a song. people say that the word fu.ck distracts people from the meaning of the work, but i beleive it is a powerful word, that when used properly, can deliver a deep statement. keep it up, i'll look for more of your stuff, and this is going to my faves!
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by freddybuzzkill | [ Reply to This ]


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