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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: anonymousdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: truthbetold
    ASL Info:    20-f
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 38/45/33
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1082



    Description:
       i dont think it's that good but the meaning makes it good i guess


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsanonymousdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i try to make you notice me

    but you don't even see..

    what happened here?

    you knew i was there.

    you saw me before

    why'd you forget me?

    i don't understand..

    you loved me before

    why are you treating me so badly?



    i used to be the light in your eyes

    now im just another face

    why do you have to be so cold?

    i stand anonymous...



    i miss who you were

    when you didn't care

    about what people thought

    and you cared about me

    am i no longer important to you?

    in your eyes i stand anonymous



    i want the real you back

    please come back to me

    don't leave me alone

    i fear that the most

    can't you see ur apart of me?

    you too... stand anonymous





    Submitted on 2007-07-04 18:56:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Dont worry about the a**
    (as he seems to be looking through you he is really wondering what went wrong and trying not to hurt you more or hes the type of a** hole who doesnt deserve you)

    as for the poem the short hand distracted me a little but over all it was okay...

    ~Carrie~
    | Posted on 2007-07-05 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      it has a good message and i like the annonymous theme. but... and i know butt... i think to get the emotion that your going for it does need a little more meat. now don't get me wrong it has potential i know i know your into that raw poetry stuff but a little refining and you could have a real keeper
    | Posted on 2007-07-05 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      [censored] the people that commented this.

    I know who your talking about in this and he can go [censored] himself too.

    you deserve better than that prick.

    wow this is the most ive sworn on here in a while.
    | Posted on 2007-07-05 00:00:00 | by black rose13 | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem wasn't that bad, but when your going to write something, give us the hole word.
    using text takes something away from what your trying to say. I dunno, It could be that I'm
    old school. If this is your style, maybe you should think about spoken word.

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2007-07-05 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry, but I don't like it. I understand that every writer has their style, and that the way you've shortened yours may be yours, but I just can't wrap my head around it. I mean... I guess the poem itself isn't too bad, but the writing's not too well done. Keep it up, though. Maybe re-writing this in a different structure and re-posting it wouldn't go a miss.
    | Posted on 2007-07-05 00:00:00 | by KasPeR88 | [ Reply to This ]
      it was okay... to be honest, my favourite thing about it was how you wrote 'ur' and 'ppl'. it wasn't bad, though, don't get me wrong. i personally just found the subject matter a little boring, but you had good wording, and interesting phrases. not bad.
    | Posted on 2007-07-04 00:00:00 | by freddybuzzkill | [ Reply to This ]


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