it has a good message and i like the annonymous theme. but... and i know butt... i think to get the emotion that your going for it does need a little more meat. now don't get me wrong it has potential i know i know your into that raw poetry stuff but a little refining and you could have a real keeper
Your poem wasn't that bad, but when your going to write something, give us the hole word.
using text takes something away from what your trying to say. I dunno, It could be that I'm
old school. If this is your style, maybe you should think about spoken word.
I'm sorry, but I don't like it. I understand that every writer has their style, and that the way you've shortened yours may be yours, but I just can't wrap my head around it. I mean... I guess the poem itself isn't too bad, but the writing's not too well done. Keep it up, though. Maybe re-writing this in a different structure and re-posting it wouldn't go a miss.
it was okay... to be honest, my favourite thing about it was how you wrote 'ur' and 'ppl'. it wasn't bad, though, don't get me wrong. i personally just found the subject matter a little boring, but you had good wording, and interesting phrases. not bad.