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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dream girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: StylerDen
    ASL Info:    29/Male/Malaysia
    Elite Ratio:    2.98 - 38/59/51
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 669
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 470



    Description:
       I just woke up from a dream.. i wish i never woke up from that dream..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDream girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have a dream,
    I dreamt of a girl,
    Her warm soft skin,
    She walks with her swirl.

    Her dark long hair,
    Down her wavy hips,
    Her face so fair,
    And her sweet pouty lips.

    Her hair, wavy,
    Covered half her face,
    I woke up drowsy,
    I never saw her face.

    Each night i dreamt,
    How i wish to see her,
    To catch just a glimpse,
    Of my anonymous dream girl.




    Submitted on 2007-07-06 03:53:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      you need to work on keeping this piece all in the same tense. in some parts of the piece you are talking about her in the present and yet you also talk about your past actions [ie: i dreamt]



    I [have] a dream, = had
    I dreamt of a girl,
    Her warm soft skin,
    She [walks] with her swirl. = walked [what do you mean by 'with her swirl'? this is not very clear at all and i have no idea what this image is trying to achieve]

    Her dark long hair,
    Down her wavy hips,
    Her face so fair,
    And her sweet pouty lips.

    Her [hair's wavy,] = hair, wavy, [i think in taking off the 's and bringin in a comma 'wavy' will be a clause to the sentence. but i think you should find something other than wavy because you already used wavy in the previous stanza...]
    Covered half her face,
    I woke up drowsy,
    I never saw her face.

    Each night i dreamt,
    How i wish to see her,
    To catch just a glimpse,
    Of my anonymous dream girl.


    i think your visual aid that accompanies the piece is really well done. it really does enhance the words of your piece.
    hope you find her some day...
    | Posted on 2007-07-18 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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