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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgive My Sindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Broken Halo
    ASL Info:    22/M/ID
    Elite Ratio:    2.84 - 20/44/64
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1230



    Description:
       Relate if you can, judge if you can't.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgive My Sindots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the end, I left everything and everyone
    Noone has ever left me...

    Im a criminal, a liar, a cheat, and a murderer
    Introduce a pure soul to evil " The Devil's Candy" (Meth..)
    Forget 'Manslaughter,' whos name do you think came up..?
    When she stood before the almighty, her list of sins read
    Her fault in demise said, my name in the same sentence

    My sins are my own to bear...
    I guess thats why I build my wall higher
    The 'me' you learn to love is another someone
    The individual that could have been, the me thats should have been

    One side of the wall a garden of emaculate beauty
    Scale to the other side, and witness something you too would choose to hide
    Pushing everyone oblivious to the danger of getting close aside...

    Give it all TIME
    Though hard to comprehend, time holds all everything else can't.
    Realize that inside there is a person that was, and a person who only is.

    Constantly fighting myself, even when I loose, I still win.
    Im sorry to everyone who has been or will be a victim to this.
    FORGIVE MY SIN.




    Submitted on 2007-07-09 01:09:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I struggle here to find the concrete meaning for the diatribes you're stating. Yes they are diatribes, not that those are terribly bad, just sometimes a little too preachy. It's spelled "whose" not "whos" also, but that's not a big deal.

    The half line of "a garden of emasculate beauty" is simply delightful, but that single point of redemption doesn't make the poem whole in my mind. There's a lot of work that needs to be done to shape up the ideas you're trying to create and then finding the right form and imagery to create with that theme because this one wasn't jiving with me. All capslock.... not a great idea either.
    | Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by yonkit | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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