To Convey an Idea -------------------------------------------
I want to catch
those elusive redblackgoldsilver
fish darting in between the dim stars
littering the back of my head
like so many children's
season and cook them
to perfection, a slow stewing
over time to bring out
the most succulent taste,
lay them artfully, beautifully
on dark plates and let
curious fingers strip
the skin and slip
meat passed craving lips--
but lines cast deep
into the fading abyss
find only skeletons,
and bones leave me
Well made poem. I really want to comment on the theme or story that you're writing about here: I guess every artist has this experience!
So it is a very interesting and emotional topic and not at all merely for you!
About the image of bones. You saw my haiku. Well, Haiku poet Basho, whom I read about last week, made a book of his travels in about 1650AD, entitled "Chronicles of a weatherbeaten skeleton". His search for himself... in the Buddhist manner, that was all he expected to find! But like a Western artist and no Buddhist, you can see what could have been on the bones!
I like the "redblackgoldsilver" because it's like- what color ARE those fish? Now I have to make one up.
Hmmm, I don't know how tasty they'd be though. -However artfully decorated.
This is a strange write. And strange is good! I'm a fan of the misdirection.
I've been there. In this moment. This line of thought.
As with the other one I commented on- I can really offer no suggestions because I like it the way it is.
So... I guess I'm just here for support and ego feeding! Hahaha!
Wow, if this is an inadequate 'bare bones' expression of the thoughts darting through your mind, then on a good day you must be incredible! This reminds me of War of the Words, in terms of subject matter, but it's so different in tone - I love your choice of vocabularly (and the strip-slip-lip rhyme) that creates that slippy, sensuous rhythm - almost as though the poem is about to wriggle off the page and swim away.
"and bones leave me
This is a fantastic ending that really does leave me feeling hungry to write. Thanks for sharing this!