[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: To Convey an Ideadots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 230/385/134
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 762
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 635


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Convey an Ideadots

    I want to catch
    those elusive redblackgoldsilver
    fish darting in between the dim stars
    littering the back of my head
    like so many children's
    glow-in-the-dark trinkets,

    season and cook them
    to perfection, a slow stewing
    over time to bring out
    the most succulent taste,
    lay them artfully, beautifully
    on dark plates and let
    curious fingers strip
    the skin and slip
    meat passed craving lips--

    but lines cast deep
    into the fading abyss
    find only skeletons,
    and bones leave me
    so hungry.

    Submitted on 2007-07-09 02:47:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well made poem. I really want to comment on the theme or story that you're writing about here: I guess every artist has this experience!
    So it is a very interesting and emotional topic and not at all merely for you!

    About the image of bones. You saw my haiku. Well, Haiku poet Basho, whom I read about last week, made a book of his travels in about 1650AD, entitled "Chronicles of a weatherbeaten skeleton". His search for himself... in the Buddhist manner, that was all he expected to find! But like a Western artist and no Buddhist, you can see what could have been on the bones!

    | Posted on 2008-09-23 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
    I like the "redblackgoldsilver" because it's like- what color ARE those fish? Now I have to make one up.
    Hmmm, I don't know how tasty they'd be though. -However artfully decorated.
    This is a strange write. And strange is good! I'm a fan of the misdirection.
    I've been there. In this moment. This line of thought.
    As with the other one I commented on- I can really offer no suggestions because I like it the way it is.
    So... I guess I'm just here for support and ego feeding! Hahaha!

    | Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, if this is an inadequate 'bare bones' expression of the thoughts darting through your mind, then on a good day you must be incredible! This reminds me of War of the Words, in terms of subject matter, but it's so different in tone - I love your choice of vocabularly (and the strip-slip-lip rhyme) that creates that slippy, sensuous rhythm - almost as though the poem is about to wriggle off the page and swim away.

    "and bones leave me
    so hungry."

    This is a fantastic ending that really does leave me feeling hungry to write. Thanks for sharing this!

    T x
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by tulip | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I can really relate to this. I love to eat chicken. Chicken is wonderful. Especially KFC.

    When you eat a piece of chicken, it never seems to be enough:

    "...only skeletons,
    and bones leave me
    so hungry"

    And chicken is very good when it has a type of sauce or seasoning on it. My mother likes to make indian food and often the chicken is seasoned with curry, cumin, turmeric, etc. Excellent.

    No you've gone and made me hungry. You see? You conveyed this idea very well.
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    This written by Chelebel
    Giving written by jjd
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Song written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]