[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: To Convey an Ideadots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 230/385/134
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 732
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 635


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Convey an Ideadots

    I want to catch
    those elusive redblackgoldsilver
    fish darting in between the dim stars
    littering the back of my head
    like so many children's
    glow-in-the-dark trinkets,

    season and cook them
    to perfection, a slow stewing
    over time to bring out
    the most succulent taste,
    lay them artfully, beautifully
    on dark plates and let
    curious fingers strip
    the skin and slip
    meat passed craving lips--

    but lines cast deep
    into the fading abyss
    find only skeletons,
    and bones leave me
    so hungry.

    Submitted on 2007-07-09 02:47:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well made poem. I really want to comment on the theme or story that you're writing about here: I guess every artist has this experience!
    So it is a very interesting and emotional topic and not at all merely for you!

    About the image of bones. You saw my haiku. Well, Haiku poet Basho, whom I read about last week, made a book of his travels in about 1650AD, entitled "Chronicles of a weatherbeaten skeleton". His search for himself... in the Buddhist manner, that was all he expected to find! But like a Western artist and no Buddhist, you can see what could have been on the bones!

    | Posted on 2008-09-23 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
    I like the "redblackgoldsilver" because it's like- what color ARE those fish? Now I have to make one up.
    Hmmm, I don't know how tasty they'd be though. -However artfully decorated.
    This is a strange write. And strange is good! I'm a fan of the misdirection.
    I've been there. In this moment. This line of thought.
    As with the other one I commented on- I can really offer no suggestions because I like it the way it is.
    So... I guess I'm just here for support and ego feeding! Hahaha!

    | Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, if this is an inadequate 'bare bones' expression of the thoughts darting through your mind, then on a good day you must be incredible! This reminds me of War of the Words, in terms of subject matter, but it's so different in tone - I love your choice of vocabularly (and the strip-slip-lip rhyme) that creates that slippy, sensuous rhythm - almost as though the poem is about to wriggle off the page and swim away.

    "and bones leave me
    so hungry."

    This is a fantastic ending that really does leave me feeling hungry to write. Thanks for sharing this!

    T x
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by tulip | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I can really relate to this. I love to eat chicken. Chicken is wonderful. Especially KFC.

    When you eat a piece of chicken, it never seems to be enough:

    "...only skeletons,
    and bones leave me
    so hungry"

    And chicken is very good when it has a type of sauce or seasoning on it. My mother likes to make indian food and often the chicken is seasoned with curry, cumin, turmeric, etc. Excellent.

    No you've gone and made me hungry. You see? You conveyed this idea very well.
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Linger written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]