Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Screwdriver Nightsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 230/385/134
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 618
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 597



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScrewdriver Nightsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Knuckle bones rattle secrets from a watery grave,
    echoing of miserable nights and cold catacombs.
    The crepuscular room smells of sweat and cigars--
    stagnant and devastatingly melancholy.

    He grasps the glass again and his throat wretches,
    inundated but somehow unnumbed by the bitter burn,
    brain screaming as though gouged with the namesake.

    A tiny tidal wave claims the finger-etched bartop.
    Like a shaman, he scries his future in the ice,
    skittering aimlessly across imitation wood
    before quietly melting away.




    Submitted on 2007-07-09 02:55:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i have to say wonderful imagery...i was completly able to picture this...a drunk being sucked in by his addiction...a picture perfect example of peoples weakness..and your words were so out of the ordinary...which is wonderful the description was perfect without being familar...purps
    | Posted on 2007-07-11 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      and the night melts away just like the ice on the bar until you look back [in one of those rare moments of clarity and sobriety] and wonder where all the days went to...

    i read this and i think of the song piano man by billy joel... sharing a drink they call lonliness but its better than drinking alone... i dont think the dude in this piece has worked that out right yet...

    the way you have constructed this piece and the language you use is so depressing... its like hes drinking himself to death though he may or may not be aware of the fact.
    and nothing is authentic... neither the depression nor the bartop... none of it is comforting just consuming and filling somehow...

    i like the second stanza with the burning through sensation... youve captured it well... especially after a drink or four...

    good work.
    i dont think ive seen a piece with such dark imagery used so well in the longest time
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Screwdrivers! Yay! Vodka and Orange Juice!

    This is very interesting. You took the scene of a guy sitting and drinking at a bar and turned into a masterpiece of imagery, illusion, and simile. I could feel the pain in his brain from all the alcohol he had consumed. I could see him drawing in the dust OR condensation from his glass on the bar counter. I could see the bar as a tomb, men barely alive, slowly dying on the spirits in their glass. Hehe, spirits.

    I wonder why they call that drink a screwdriver. Maybe, if you drink enough of it, it feels like it is screwing into your brain.

    Wonderful write! BOING!
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    146346

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Push written by JanePlane
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bond written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Every..... written by jackz
    untitled written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry