Masterpiece of Life by Lil gal

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Submission Name: Masterpiece of Life dots

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Author:	Lil gal
ASL Info:	28/F-ya/here
Elite Ratio:	3.19 - 354/210/34
Words:	53

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	180
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	421

Description:
It's not quite finished, but please let me know what you think and any ideas to add to it.

Masterpiece of Life dots

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Intricate puzzle with no pieces that fit.

Jigsaw ascew, scattered like dead leaves in the wind.

Masterpiece unfinished...

broken, shattered, soulless.

Minds eye blind to the simple truthes.

Reallity begins where dreams end.

Perceptions distort.

Life....

fractured like a lame horse put out to pasture.

Submitted on 2007-07-09 16:26:55 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  though it says little to the visible words, it says much in the mind
when thou finishes please notify me, i would very much like to see how it turns out!!
| Posted on 2007-10-26 00:00:00 | by Thief | [ Reply to This ]
  Ouch, short but it does speak volumes... bravo... bravo.... brav o....
| Posted on 2007-10-09 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  Definetely like this one, nice job, as for adding to it, I would build on it, has potential to be even better
like a fractured horse put out to pasture
"broken defeated unsure (something like that is what pops into my noggin , lol)"
just throwing in an idea like you asked ;)
ttyl hun
SACO!!!!!!!!
| Posted on 2007-07-18 00:00:00 | by DesecratedDream | [ Reply to This ]
  No lame horses for you! I liked the part about intricate puzzle pieces not fitting - I say work it girl and make em fit!

I'm glad you posted

love,peace,joy&smiles to share

tif
| Posted on 2007-07-11 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem very much. It is short and to the point and says something with few words which is a positive thing. There are a few spelling errors which may distract the more picky people on this site, but it's possible that maybe you misspelled them for a reason! lol! nonetheless this is a good poem.
| Posted on 2007-07-10 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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