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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lil gal
    ASL Info:    32/F-ya/here
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 355/216/36
    Words: 36
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1004
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 270



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A cup overflowing with broken promises.

    Spilling and dripping on the floor.

    Pooling like blood from a fresh wound.

    Congealing....spoiled milk.

    Rots like cheese in the hot sun.

    Permeating stench.




    Submitted on 2007-07-09 16:31:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      good poetry there creative, i read it and was like whoa thats different deep, ty
    | Posted on 2008-05-07 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
      umm... Are you okay?
    | Posted on 2008-03-18 00:00:00 | by Depression420 | [ Reply to This ]
      This write is so True
    It sounds to me like you are expressing the pain and Hurt you feel from someone you deeply Love but all they return to you is broken Promises
    I have dealt with this same situation before and I know the pain you are speaking of
    My only advice is to weigh out the Positives versus the negatives in this relationship
    The one that is stronger is the truth
    Go with it
    God Bless
    Ron

    And Thank You for the Birthday Greeting
    That was Very Thoughtful of you
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-11-23 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Man...the way you wrote this was great because when you get to the end...it really does stink.

    I'd remove the third line because it gives it a hint of being too "emo" and from what I can remember of you, you aint like that.

    But thats just my feable minds thoughts.

    P.S. Optimus Prime kicks ass...

    | Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I want my girl to be in a better place - don't cry over the spilt milk - it's not worth it - YOU ARE

    Hang in there girl - think great thoughts for yourself and great things will happen.

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    tif
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, it was creative but you really didn't focus on the "why", focus on questions like "Why won't the kettle stop pouring, is there too much expectations on your life?", and "what does the stench do to those around you, are they not thier to pick you up, why is your environment nonchalant to your failures?"
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by 7makaveli | [ Reply to This ]
      you hate it.
    you could just say that, but it's not creative enough.
    ok.
    try harder, especially if you have anger inside.
    explain why.
    the cup doesn't have to overflow if you move it.
    there would be no spills on the floor if you didn't let it drip.
    the wound wouldn't pool if it was bandaged properly.
    the spoiled milk didn't walk out of the fridge on it's own.
    i don't even know how the cheese got there.



    <bleedingtears>
    | Posted on 2007-07-10 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. really abstract, yet theres alot of feeling in it! its also very graphic!
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by emb_er77 | [ Reply to This ]


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