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Dearest Love Note


Author: xaingua
ASL Info:    16/Female/A quiet place
Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 11 /9 /11
Words: 109
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 954
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 671



Description:


I write notes. :)


Dearest Love Note



Dear note I wrote with shaking hands
Don't toil the way I do
When his eyes behold the lettering
I chose to give to you.

Act as though your word is stong
Though whispers give whats true.
Hint to him the verb I left out
Between the "I" and "you"

Dear note I wrote, long to have eyes
To see what moves his heart.
Once your page is opened wide
Do not let your pages and his fingertips part.

And then my dearest note I wrote
Come dancing back to me
With news of the things you saw
And our love meant to be.





Submitted on 2007-07-10 19:29:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Aww, it love it love it love it. All I can suggest to fix are a few spelling errors, and maybe a few forced rhymes. (I love it!)
My current boyfriend asked me out the asked me out the exact same way. He was so nervous, his hands were so shaky that I could barely read his writing. : )

"with shakind hands"

shakind=shaking

"wispers give whats true"

wispers=whispers

"Do not let his fingertips part."

This didn't quite make sense to me. How would his fingertips split open? o.o I think this may be just a forced rhyme that kind of detracts from the poem.

"Hint to him the verb I left out
Between the "I" and "you" "

These are my favorite lines. They're so sweet, and I adore the way you worded. Amazing.

I think its cute how a love note is personified throughout the poem. I swear, it reminds me so much of what happened between my boyfriend and I. ^.^ It worked out extremely well for us, if that is the situation you're in, I hope it works out as well for you!

Amazing write,

~Jazzy

| Posted on 2007-07-10 00:00:00 | by Jazzy | [ Reply to This ]


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