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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dearest Love Notedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xaingua
    ASL Info:    16/Female/A quiet place
    Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 11/9/11
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 717
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 671



    Description:
       I write notes. :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDearest Love Notedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear note I wrote with shaking hands
    Don't toil the way I do
    When his eyes behold the lettering
    I chose to give to you.

    Act as though your word is stong
    Though whispers give whats true.
    Hint to him the verb I left out
    Between the "I" and "you"

    Dear note I wrote, long to have eyes
    To see what moves his heart.
    Once your page is opened wide
    Do not let your pages and his fingertips part.

    And then my dearest note I wrote
    Come dancing back to me
    With news of the things you saw
    And our love meant to be.





    Submitted on 2007-07-10 19:29:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Aww, it love it love it love it. All I can suggest to fix are a few spelling errors, and maybe a few forced rhymes. (I love it!)
    My current boyfriend asked me out the asked me out the exact same way. He was so nervous, his hands were so shaky that I could barely read his writing. : )

    "with shakind hands"

    shakind=shaking

    "wispers give whats true"

    wispers=whispers

    "Do not let his fingertips part."

    This didn't quite make sense to me. How would his fingertips split open? o.o I think this may be just a forced rhyme that kind of detracts from the poem.

    "Hint to him the verb I left out
    Between the "I" and "you" "

    These are my favorite lines. They're so sweet, and I adore the way you worded. Amazing.

    I think its cute how a love note is personified throughout the poem. I swear, it reminds me so much of what happened between my boyfriend and I. ^.^ It worked out extremely well for us, if that is the situation you're in, I hope it works out as well for you!

    Amazing write,

    ~Jazzy

    | Posted on 2007-07-10 00:00:00 | by Jazzy | [ Reply to This ]


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