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    dots Submission Name: I Want You Back By My Sidedots

    Author: Katana Ryoko
    ASL Info:    17/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 483/428/109
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 732
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 488

       More feelings. Umm... I could make it longer. Your thoughts on the structure and length and how it made you feel is what I want to know and any other additional things you need to add. Thanks.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Want You Back By My Sidedots

    I want you back by my side
    Forget the laughs and smiles
    That come from my mouth
    Can't you see it in my eyes?
    The tears screaming for release
    I'm dying from pent up energy
    Pushed away deep inside my soul
    So noone knows the pain I feel
    But the absence of your presence
    Has truly taken its toll on me
    The loneliness is pressing down
    I can't deal with this on my own
    I need you back by my side

    Submitted on 2007-07-11 04:27:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      it sounds as if you were on the edge of a decision then there is no reaction no release of pressure but i can feel the emotion you had. for that reason i love it and hate it. i agree with crimson echo it could be longer
    i will rate this a 3
    | Posted on 2007-07-19 00:00:00 | by debbieXY | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it could be longer, if that's what you like, though it's also capable of standing up as is. I'm still wondering about the use of E.E. Cummings's "noone" in a lot of your poems, but anyway--

    Don't fall yet, Katana. We're here for you.

    | Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful and sad. I really enjoyed largely because I can completely relate to it! I think it could be longer but still its wonderful like this! Nice write. And cheer up be strong soon better days will come!
    | Posted on 2007-07-11 00:00:00 | by EL | [ Reply to This ]

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