I couldn't believe it. I was tiptoeing around what I wanted to say. I didn't even know I wanted to say it, or knew I felt that way, but wow.
It was 6 days since I talked to you. Those days when I was trying to draw back the part of myself that I had to push into a corner.
I'm sorry. They just don't accept you here.
I felt like a lie, speaking to you, trying to bring back everything that I put away. The feelings, the memories, thoughts, and general happiness. Imagine, my Divinity, what makes my soul thrive, all kept away inside of myself. Not shining, but buried under the sweet bitterness I felt towards my own family. Dirt, buried under dirt.
So I signed on, wanting to just talk. It wasn't fair, I didn't want anyone to know, but it spilled out. Not accepted, underappreciated. And you listened. You said you would stop speaking, inclining me to speak. It wasn't fair, I didn't want you to see this part of me. The part of me that hated being bottled up, I wanted so badly to break free and run to you. They don't allow me to look up. Save me, please...
You said it couldn't be that bad, and you were right. We laugh, we talk, we're connnected by blood, at least that. We have the same culture. That's where it stops. I can't speak to them of my interests, my passions, my loves, my friends, the parts of my soul, my Divinity. The part that you said you liked about me gets shunned here, gets made fun of here. Normally, I wouldn't care, because I am so strong within myself, so rooted, that no one can dare to tear me down. But this is my family tearing me apart, layer by layer, layers I've worked so hard for.
Normally, I know myself.
So you said it can't be that bad, huh? You're right, I believe you. You made me smile, and didn't make me feel bad for feeling this, this bitterness towards my own kin. Thank you for being there. Thank you for telling me it's ok to feel.
I couldn't believe that it was so hard for me to stop myself from writing these words.
I love you. |
Submission Name: Mikkal (Part 3)
