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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Am I Beautiful Yet?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: doppelganger
    ASL Info:    26/f/your brain
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 34/223/160
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 858
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 634



    Description:
       Based on a true story, only I did get up to write this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAm I Beautiful Yet?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    To the deafening tune of a punk rock band.
    A waterfall behind curtains begins to
    Tattoo trails along the ribs in my back.
    I'm kneeling in the shower, praying for release;
    Eyes closed, tears falling, vomit pouring forth
    The pure clarity of the stream is now tainted
    With needs, standards, expectations, and blood.
    My heartbeat is ever so irregular and my vision
    Swims more than my arms as I grasp for the curtains.
    I fall.
    What's become of me?
    Lying in this shower in a pool of bile and blood.
    Dearest society, I ask you, am I beautiful yet?




    Submitted on 2007-07-12 07:23:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      More and more today you see the freedom of expression in physical form...piercing tattoos funky hair and it's accepted more more. Not always but more. Looking back at this write...seven years, we haven't come leaps and bounds but we've advanced.

    Pure and raw...wicked voice
    | Posted on 2014-06-03 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This was extremly deep and emotional. it really puts a picture in your head and i like that. Its so graphic. Very wonderful. nice job describing, i really liked this
    | Posted on 2007-07-15 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the imagery that you used.. it was very effective how you used it i think tho that the imagery overcome the emotion in the writing thta some of it was lost in explaining what things looked like instead of more how they felt but i think maybe thats my im not an overly visual person.

    you have a great talent and its a great peice.
    | Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by unnatainable | [ Reply to This ]
      i think my favorite part was the damn description. it made it seem more real to me as opposed to another 90 pound emo girls ranting about imaginary sadness.
    | Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      very strong point. never really read something quite like this so congrats on originality. i get it... its a stream of visions and thoughts and flows well through that way. poetic story yet no set rhythm. i like it because its daring in that aspect. and the words and imagery jump out. though something about the first three lines seems irregular and doesnt fit the tone or mood... you might want to adjust that. good write overall. keep it up.
    ali
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by Ali Marie | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel that your onto something and capable of so much creativity and emotion. This piece reminds me of someone like Patti Smith who is a strong female presence in the music world and is also considered the poet laureate of punk, but we all must remember that anything that we write can be improved and expanded upon.
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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