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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Loversdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1015
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 919



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Loversdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shadows entwine under the eaves
    Whispering black secrets
    Huddled in the cool spaces between sun shafts
    Faces smeared and unrecognizable
    Hands waving like seaweed, like cattails

    Beneath them vetivert, milk thistle
    Conglomerations of nightshade and hellebore
    Row after row of foxglove
    Their feet are swaths of eyebright
    Crouching in henbane, sucking thick air

    Darkness is exchanged as love
    They rustle like dead leaves
    Mouths agape without tongues
    Without speech they hiss
    Sibilant strands of need

    They move as one creature, one entity
    Blind in these early hours of daylight
    Hungry and careless and clawing
    Nails and teeth drawing inky blood
    Bruises that will not fade

    They stain the bricks with heat and salt
    And are swallowed by the morning




    Submitted on 2007-07-12 13:19:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well, this piece seems very intricate in the way you describe or personify these beings (or entities, perhaps).

    i don't have quite as an extensive knowledge of herbs & perennials but looking some of them up, i found that alot of them were poisonous.

    i couldn't quite put all the pieces together but my final guess would be that it's a potion or magical spell that elicits love?

    could be...

    good job!

    sarah
    | Posted on 2007-07-14 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Darkness is exchanged as love
    They rustle like dead leaves
    Mouths agape without tongues
    Without speech they hiss
    Sibilant strands of need

    They move as one creature, one entity
    Blind in these early hours of daylight
    Hungry and careless and clawing
    Nails and teeth drawing inky blood
    Bruises that will not fade

    They stain the bricks with heat and salt
    And are swallowed by the morning


    This sounds very much like animal need expressed as an herbivorous orgasm (if it's possible for plants to mate with the same ferocity as wild animals, that is). What makes this an impeccable write is the use of what might be considered 'backdrop' or scenery to express the effect that lovers have upon one another; a melting of organsm into organism into environment into emotion.

    No nits to pick, I'm afraid.
    Nicely done.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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    146549

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    January 10 07
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