[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: pain and lovedots

    Author: wilted_flower
    ASL Info:    22 f uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 42/56/28
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 607
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1341

       a ten minute composition. See how you like it

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspain and lovedots

    In the pain my release will lie,
    Grant my wish to sleep- no urge to die,
    But to close my eyes and rest my mind
    And perhaps in the chaos my peace I'll find,
    'Cause by these talons tainted red
    More than mere words are ever said,
    Each jagged line, uneven shape
    Shows a brand new lie or a new mistake,
    So let these nails make their path,
    Burn the dragon and consume the wrath,
    And if I smile, that is when,
    I urge you 'friend' to look again,
    In my eyes you'll see my greatest role-
    The smiling girl with the twisted soul,
    And if you can love me, spirit, body and heart,
    Maybe then I'll relinquish the part,
    But tell me my dear, could it be true?
    Could you ever love me, the way that I love you?
    Fight the dragon, forgive the wrath?
    Ignore the nails and their broken path?
    Hear the words that remain unsaid?
    Stop these nails being tainted red?
    And more than that, could you ever see,
    Look beneath the facade to the real me?
    If you can, then that is when,
    Once more in my eyes you'll see the smile again,
    And if you will then I'm forever yours,
    But if you break my heart- then watch me fall.

    Submitted on 2007-07-12 15:19:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i rarely like stuff that rhymes but this was intriguing. nice job
    | Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. Just one question (probably me being stupid): what's it about?
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by Lord Bane | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Wavelength written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]