Back to back
yet, face to face,
One is leather
the other lace.
Side by side
yet far apart,
One is simple
one is smart.
The times they come together
to agree upon a choice,
Are few and far between, you see
the two have just one voice.
The truth of their dilemma
a well-known mystery,
The reason for this flaw of man
no Doctor yet can see.
The one wants chocolate ice cream
the other is opposed,
He wants just plain vanilla
their discussion now is closed.
The one is more aggressive
the other meek and mild,
And though they seldom merge as one
the result is often wild.
They argue and they bicker
each to have his chosen way,
They struggle to the death it seems
they each must have their say.
In making all decisions
whether knowingly, or not,
Their struggle does elude them
and frustration only wrought.
The one is strong
the other weak,
Though they are one
each one can speak.
Their problem is, I'm sure you know
an imbalance in the brain,
Now, you can say that one is wise
the other is insane.
But two are one, that is the problem
in Schizophrenia,
which might be mistaken for a case
of neurasthenia.
The only bright side I can see
is a companion they won't lack,
But neither sees the other
when they're always back to back.
Before I get a bashing here
the beating of my life,
These words are meant to just observe
a Schizophrenic's strife.
In no way do I mean to joke
or laugh at their expense,
I'm merely trying to understand
to make some kind of sense.
If one is not aware of two
each other they can't see,
Then what's to say for sure that
this could not be you or me.
We wouldn't know our illness
if our 'other side' was hid,
We would only see ourself
not what the other did.
"One hand doesn't know
what the other is doing",
While hypnotized, the one would 'cluck'
the other would be 'mooing'.
In conclusion to this strange inquest
I think I'll play my hand,
A dual personality
I'll never understand!!!
* Yes, I will!!! *
Submitted on 2005-08-15 14:05:23 Terms of Service / © Rules
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i am not in the least bit offended about this..and i have shown it to a young lad who i am trying to support that is suffering from schizophrenia and he really laughed too. [ infact he was going to try to reply to your poem tonight in the same style, and one of the nurses was helping him when i left the hospital] if anything ever comes of it i shall put it up here for you. if nothing else you have raised the awareness of this illness and brought some sparkle into the hospital ward that i visited this evening. i much prefer to comment on how poems affect me or how much i have learned from reading them... there are far more techically qualified whizz kids here to advise on structure and rhythm and all that sort of stuff. So, to conclude, i thoroughly enjoyed this and was so impressed that you took what could have been a touchy subject and brought it into the real world for others to have to react to it. A totally Brilliant idea ... and looking at the number of posts on your pages, i see i have a lot of catching up to do. THANK YOU for touching a young life and making me laugh ( from me Jacqueline and from Daniel's mum. she says that she has not seen him so bright and chirpy for a long while... he sees replying to you as a challenge!)
| Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ] [ PM ]
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I don't know very much about this disease, but I'm sure it's quite a serious problem to those afflicted by it and their loved ones. However, I do understand your intent is simply trying to make a light-hearted approach to describe the misery that this condition must surely inflict on those affected. Sometimes, when Life hands you a bad hand or is particulary hard on you, a little levity helps to ease the pain. And I know that is what you are hoping for here.
That being said, I think you make a commendabe effort with this one. The rhythm stumbles slightly in one or two places, but is good otherwise, and the rhyming does not seem not too forced.
The last word in S8 L4, "fraught" is an adjective, but you try to use it as if it were a noun, and unfortunately that won't work. Besides, it doesn't really quite rhyme with 'not" anyways as the pronunciation is different. I'm not sure how you would want to fix that, as the whole of the last line would probably have to change.
In S11 L2, there's no such word as schizophreniac
which is unfortunate as using the correct word will break your rhyme in that stanza.
The word is actually schizophrenic, which you subsequently use correctly in the next stanza. However, you might be able to salvage it by using schizophrenia (no C) but will have to change the rhyme. I take the liberty of making a change suggestion here which you can use if you like or go with your own, as you please.
But two are one, that is the problem
in Schizophrenia,
which might be mistaken for a case
of neurasthenia
Well, that's just my two cetns. I think it's a pretty good attempt and will be even better once you make a couple of minor corrections. Good wriite otherwise. Hope this helped.
Kirk
| Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ] [ PM ]
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Schizophrenia ya know ive been accused of having that by a few people but they are full of it. im well aware of my two sides, i happen to agree with most of the past diagnosis of being bi polar. that fits the most. this poking was fun to read, some could take offense but its pleasurable for me. well done, Cheryl.
mike
| Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ] [ PM ]
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Hey this is such a sagacious write...You have meticulously captured the mind of a schizophrenic individual, I must say it must be rather hard for those of us with dual personalities, but I am grateful that mine is not that extreme...Plus it reminded me of a particular movie I watched...Mad house...but I reckon the Secret window is more relevant in this regard...Nevertheless I loved the way you transported us into the mind of such a person...Whilst you have also captured the various struggles that they battle within themselves...This is not an offensive write, but it shows your concern and awareness about this particular mayhem...A very brain boggling piece, for it makes one...wonder about ...one's level of SANITY!An excellent work of artistic maturity!Well conversed...LETS ALL BE CRAZY...if this is what it takes to be true...Be happy!Nobantu
| Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ] [ PM ]
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Submission Name: We Two
