death by vohomegirl

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Submission Name: death dots

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Author:	vohomegirl
ASL Info:	28 and at the gate...
Elite Ratio:	6.83 - 314/191/78
Words:	56

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	203
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	397

Description:

death

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all of us
are leaves on autumn trees
souls who sing and shimmer
in quivers of gold
blazing red

then phosphorescent green.

we dance upon a stage made of twilight
and the last moment flutters
as the crescendo rises
we fall
like butterflies
taken by the wind

the shadows rustle with delight.

Submitted on 2007-07-13 10:56:44 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  You have provided a most unusual, and very poetic, ode to death! I enjoyed this, and found the metaphor to compare us to Autumn Leaves very good! Leaves have birth in the spring, grow to maturity and have a productive life span, develop color and charisma in their Autumn, and finally fall and are reclaimed by the soil from whence they came. Most excellent, lovely lady.

I would even suggest that a better title might be "Autumn Leaves".
| Posted on 2008-06-28 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked this to i picture the colours as you spread them across the page so fine

another wow and well done

sandman
| Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  A marvelous and twice potent extented metaphore! Excellent and deftly turned here upon your powerful and lovely lathe of poetry! It is so delicate and ineffably sad and ineffably lovely. I loved it, absolutely loved it. Terrific! bravo... bravo... bravo... michael
| Posted on 2007-07-15 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  Death can be said in so many ways yet despite the way it is said, it is there. We're all heading in that direction.

What i really like about your piece is that you compare the stages of our lives with the colors of the leaves and if a person really thinks about it in the way that you have written, it's so true.

I love the message though. To me it symbolized that despite we're heading in that direction, it's how we sing and shimmer that really matters most.

I do have a little problem with the way you've structured the piece because it doesn't really show that you have a pattern. Also i don't understand why you need a full stop in the end if you didn't use punctuation at all in your piece. Maybe it's because the full stop indicates that it's the finishing period but to me that's just not a good enough reason to use it. The way i see it, it's either you do it or you don't.

But overall, great idea.
Cheers,

Irina
| Posted on 2007-07-14 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a really great poem. I really dont have much to say about it, other than I really enjoyed reading it. I hate saying this but, the imagery throughout was really great. Good ending to. You do death justice. I personally am a fan of punctuation. You evidently are not or you just found it superfluous. I wouldn't mind a comma here and a period there, it helps me to know how to read it. Personal preferance I guess. Great poem.
| Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
  this site is littered with poems about death but none seem so eloquent as this sarah

i think we should set up a link so that people can see how death should be written.

this is really beautiful.
i love the way you capture the colours in the leaves... the transient quality of life... the way the colours of leaves change so rapidly mirroring the way 80 years can be gone in a flash...

death... it comes to us all.

i love the way you are so beautifully vague about it. your imagery isnt pointing toward death though the title bluntly brings the realisation of the intention of your piece.

when i read this and follow the leaves fluttering to the ground... dancing their last on the way down... i think of the feather in the credits of Forrest Gump... you know it?
| Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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