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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Painted then strippeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaRaven
    ASL Info:    25 Male Ontario
    Elite Ratio:    2.48 - 28/55/40
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 129
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1151



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPainted then strippeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    she covers me in colors and made me feel real...
    the feeling was something that no one could steal...
    now she is pregnant and shes so happy its hot...
    i fell in love twice times more, alot alot...
    now 3 months in and its a bitchy time...
    but i educated my self by reading the guides...
    last week she loved me, but now she has left...
    she stripped away my colors with no reason for this...
    my heart is swollen and bleeding with pain...
    she left for a week with nothing to say...
    except the feeling is gone, she says "feels its lost"..
    such a sudden thing, i cannot believe this cost....
    i call all the doctors and internet too,
    and they all say be patient the whole way through.
    They swear its hormones, and im sure it is...
    but the pain im feeling, i've never felt like this..
    four days have past with barely no food or sleep...
    and i havent gone to work but lately I weep...
    my once beautiful colors have been stripped from my pores..
    with her turpentine words that will never be forgotten.




    Submitted on 2007-07-14 13:16:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well I can say the emotion and purpose shines through in this piece, but I feel it's too obvious and could have been explained in a much more interesting way. I say this only because I think you have the ability to make this a much more beautiful piece. I do feel that this poem is a nice thought, and deserves to be expanded upon. Remember! just because someone says you have to change something doesn't mean you have to! lol! if you have a conviction about a piece of poetry you should stick to your guns and do it the way you want. This is just my personal opinion.
    | Posted on 2007-07-14 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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