[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Hopedots

    Author: Seraphim X
    Elite Ratio:    4.67 - 32/41/33
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 752


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The night still with anger
    All is but a whisper
    Skies foretelling mystery
    A moon illuminating misery
    Voices calling shadow and light
    Engulfing heart and soul with might
    Existence torn to all ends with lost pain
    Awakening eyes filled with self distain
    Blurred to forget the thought of beauty

    Desire to sleep forever with intensity
    None to see or know what occurs
    Leaving the shell to drift in a sea of rumors
    Why and why drip from there faces
    All the while finding perfect cases
    Ignorant to the realm of dreams
    Lost between the blanket seams
    Asleep with the nights welcome
    Silent and calm forever to come

    Submitted on 2007-07-15 01:36:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Existence torn to all ends with lost pain

    this line here trips me up in your otherwise seamless rhythm.

    your use of rhyme is well founded. im not a fan of rhyme because most people tend to use it in blatantly obvious and trite manners which abuses the potential power of words. here you have done such a good job i didnt even realise you rhymed until i noticed reference to it in the comment before mine

    my only issue with this piece is there seems to be a lack of emotion involved with this piece. you write of hope but i do not FEEL hope when i read these words. i am not sure how you could remedy such a thing though in keeping with the beauty of your word choice and rhyme etc.

    i do like the way the two stanzas seem to be opposites in thought though. in creating the contrast the way you have it makes me see part of the vision of this piece.

    hope is something we cannot live without
    | Posted on 2007-07-15 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Seems like a vision. Your rhyming sequence is very imaginative and you combine the words well. The imagery stirs the fantasies but also seems to be telling the reader more then just a literal interpretation. The lines aren't overcrowded, they seem to flow well with the rythm. An intriguing concept for sure.

    | Posted on 2007-07-15 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Genesis written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]