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    dots Submission Name: I Promise Youdots

    Author: AngelinDisguise
    ASL Info:    23/F/AUS
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 133/171/100
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 632
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 812


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Promise Youdots

    I promised you
    that till the day i loved you no more
    this ring would stay on my finger
    I promised you
    that as long as my heart still beats
    I would love you
    I promised that i would never
    love another the way i love you
    but my promises didnt mean anything to you
    you promised to care for me
    you promised to always be there
    but when i really need you
    i cant find you anywhere
    i accept that youve moved on
    no longer will i try
    but the promises you made
    you cant break and lie
    i can see that your happy
    that im no longer in your life
    but when i really need help
    its on you that i rely
    Ill promise you anything
    as long as you promise just to care

    Submitted on 2007-07-15 03:28:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem was really repetative. Maybe try using some new words. besides "Promise". This poem doesn't make me think or feel anything, i think i needs more emotion and it needs deeper detail and deeper more powerful words.
    | Posted on 2007-07-15 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a sad and desperate feeling piece. I think you can add to the power of it by tightening it up, it's a bit repetative. Edit strongly and you'll really have a strong bit of work that all of us can relate to.
    | Posted on 2007-07-15 00:00:00 | by NoelleRenee | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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