i liked it- liked the way its forced jagged edges communicated a forced jagged kind of feeling.
i like the way you become demanding of your reader (as if he's the one to blame) - :))
can you s e e
this? can you?
you demand that he should feel for you, the author, as you feel for him or her, all those readers, blatantly ignorant of all the pains that art sometimes brings. that every reader should be aware that your 'soul is burning and yearning' and should be able to give back some of that 'work of mind and soul' in return.
very good strong and angry and unexpectedly gentle (at the every end) piece.
i like your experimentation.
i like that you are setting out to put some thought or idea or emotion into concrete form and it just isnt working as well as you'd hoped.
and i like that you dont settle for just one way of presenting words but that the whole piece is a hotch-potch of different tools and formats... reminds me of that time on the simpsons that homer was trying to build a BBQ and it got turned into an art exhibition [dunno if youre a simpsons fan and i dunno why it came into my head...]
and while, in the end, you really dont say anything in this piece i think you also manage to say eevrything.
i am sure many a person has found themselves in this postion... something to say and no power to say it. its the most frustrating thing.
but i think its some form of tribute... writing something like this... coz at least youre not sittng round wishing you could write something... you know...? atleast theres some kind of active persual of the notion...
Wax mel
t
s
in destined time, regardless
of wants.
this would have to be my most favourite part right here.
it seems of late all i hear is the setting of wax... time is moving regardless of my want for it to move in more significant moments...
yes. while i know you dont feel you have expressed anything i think you have expressed more than you realise...
maybe your masterpiece will be written tomorrow
Submission Name: Concrete 
