Description: This is just a short simple write. Trying to get my thoughts back and rid myself of this writers block. It's about the way passion can distract you from the real world around you. I hope you enjoy and feel free to tear it apart!
She stares at you with a mischievous smile
All your inner feelings start to run wild.
The whole world gets flipped upside down.
Butterfly feelings lift you off the ground.
Only then you won't find the truth in lies
When she looks to you with bedroom eyes.
i have a problem with this piece.
it makes me think of 'lyin eyes' - a song by the eagles.
'you cant hide your lyin eyes
and your smile is a thin disguise
i thought by now youd realise
there aint no way to hide those lyin eyes'
is the chorus of the piece.
i think... i think the lies can only go unseen if you are willing for them to go unseen. if you dont want to remember them or remember to look for them then you wont find them...
i have another.
why do you write "you" in this piece...?
in doing that you make the reader think that the piece is written about them and well... i dont think my world would get turned upside down if a girl made bedroom eyes at me lol
so i guess its rather a presumptuous voice to be writing this piece in...
this could be a good way of working through your writers block...
put more of yourself into this piece...
what is it about the smile...? does she KNOW that this smile has this effect on you...? who is she? did she ever love you?
is it just your innner feelings that run wild? is running wild a good thing? bad thing?
there are a whole lot of things you could put in this piece...
personally i would be more interested in seeing you fleshing out the lying eyes... what happened and why is she still in your life...? why have you allowed her to get under your skin like this...?
i think this piece has a lot of potential... you just gotta start asking yourself the right questions i guess...