a lover's thought by poet09

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Submission Name: a lover's thought dots

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Author:	poet09
Elite Ratio:	3.67 - 108/119/75
Words:	76

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	88
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	408

Description:

a lover's thought dots

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Mutal feelings that are loyal and true
This isn't a song but its deticated to you
If you are thinking of the one you love
Just know I was sent from the heavens above

All these thoughts run through my mind
At first glance I knew what I'd find
Just wait with patience and you will soon see
How much you and I are destined to be.

Submitted on 2007-07-16 13:53:57 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
I thought it was great! Filled with such purity and honesty! The first part does remind me of a song lol but i like it..The emotion is somewhat overwhelming when you really sit down and think about it! And truely i believe this is a lovers thought! Great write!
| Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by Hip-Hop Honey | [ Reply to This ]
This write move right along with great meter. The only place that I stumbled a little was:

If you just be patient and wait you will soon see
How much you and I are destined to be

Consider removing the words "If you"
and rewording the remaining a little so that if reads something like;

Just wait with patience and you will soon see
How much you and I are destined to be.

This is just a thought. If you like the piece as it is, leave it. Ultimately the piece is yours.

Over all nice job and good piece.

| Posted on 2007-07-18 00:00:00 | by sunnysideup | [ Reply to This ]

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