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    dots Submission Name: Harsh Sounddots

    Author: Fadeintoreality
    Elite Ratio:    1.94 - 33/115/65
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1613
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1758


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHarsh Sounddots

    I drove about a million miles
    (plus one or two for stops)
    along the way I caught
    the scent of a place
    I recognized
    from times when I would ride
    next to you
    in the passenger-side
    with windows down
    so my hair would fly,
    whip and turn
    set fire in the rays of the sun
    and burn a brilliant
    brunette luster.

    I walked about a thousand footsteps
    (just to day dream with you)
    through those fields
    full of hearty golds and emerald greens
    life to keep everything living,
    and I could breathe.
    I watched those quivering stalks
    dance and shiver
    with the temperamental winds
    in the Indiana sun
    and my mind
    and my heart
    was content
    and my body caved
    to you.

    I waited about three-hundred minutes
    (for you)
    to feel a touch, unique
    and dance beneath an oceanic sky
    full of swimming Osprey
    screaming, the hungry cries
    wafting down
    as our symphony,
    and laughter lifted up
    as a generous applause
    so that I thought
    I might
    just dance there

    I watched the seconds slip
    (anxiously awake)
    through the last night in our lover's
    bliss, I didn't sleep
    a wink.
    Imagining that familiar sting
    of all that I'd come to love
    being torn away from me
    by a cold distance
    and a bustling city
    beckoning me to come
    back where I sprouted from
    in those early hours of
    an unwanted dawn
    I found I wanted
    just one to

    Submitted on 2007-07-17 01:50:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i agree with ben! great expression of feelings! a very very good write! keep it up!
    | Posted on 2007-07-18 00:00:00 | by damienelizabeth | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantanstic ! Great piece. I will not pick at it just for the sake of offering benign criticism, this piece, in my opinion, is worthy of print. You should try to publish it.

    Excellant, metaphorical, and easily read.

    your friend
    | Posted on 2007-07-17 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it a lot!! I felt the love from the poem and the sadness of leaving it behind. Also I really liked how you adding details in brackets, like it was separate from the poem. It really added to it. Good job!

    | Posted on 2007-07-17 00:00:00 | by LadyDoragon | [ Reply to This ]

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