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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: sun kissed angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dark figure
    ASL Info:    17/m/uk
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 66/74/29
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 931
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 598



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssun kissed angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sunkissed angel
    wingless beauty,
    for her eyes are big blue pearls...
    as deep as a thousand oceans.
    Her words painted pictures of places untold,

    (gracefull.. she corresed my hope and made me belive)

    to capture a poor souls heart.
    Silk soft skin with a delicat touch,
    that could mend a wound so deep.
    Perfect smile of countless words to lay your mind to rest,
    need you say no more...
    With a kiss so soft i had to make sure i wasnt dreaming
    for she is my sunkised angel.




    Submitted on 2007-07-18 14:44:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      corresed = i have no idea what this word means...?

    im with sheakhan on the clichés will kill thing.
    the point of writing, for me anyways, is to find new ways of saying the same old things.
    the reason clichés are called clichés is because they are currently the best way of saying something. but that doesnt mean we have to believe that they always will be the best way...
    get brave i guess. try find new ways of saying these things.
    but i guess its hard if you dont know what is cliché and what isnt... the way to learn to spot clichés is just to read read read i guess...

    anyways... yeah...
    you could prolly do to run this through a spell check too

    good luck
    | Posted on 2007-07-18 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm.

    i see the point you are trying to bring across, and even moreso, you do a fair enough job of it.

    i will submit to you this:

    cliché's will kill.

    you used many overly used phrases, like:

    "deep as a thousand oceans"

    and

    "silk soft skin"

    there are other (albeit harder to conceive) ways to word these things. think hard and grab a dictionary/thesaurus for good measure.

    you'll find help there.

    (you didn't ask for critique, i know, but usually my first impression of a poem involves crit)

    terribly sorry if i offended.

    keep with the writing and the poetry and the stuff,

    ~krg

    | Posted on 2007-07-18 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]


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