Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wet Wheelsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zai
    ASL Info:    19/m/Snohomish Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.2 - 35/48/43
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 100
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 918



    Description:
       I love biking... Especially in the rain.

    Thoughts?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWet Wheelsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Biking in the rain,
    Forcing myself through the wall of water,
    Arrival is my gain,
    Determination; my falter.
    Each rotation has a loss,
    Tis a trouble to get far,
    Gaining little for this fuss,
    It shouldn’t be this hard!
    Pulsing thoughts within my veins,
    Are the ailments that plague,
    My memories are in peril.

    What is this here I hold?
    My memories? My life?
    The dearest of things to me?
    This heavy rain can’t deter me,
    I am too selfless for that.
    I am too strong for that.
    I cannot fail.
    Not for my friends,
    Not for my family,
    Not for my memories!

    Thus I must weather the storm,
    Advance through the troubled waters,
    Of which fall from the sky,
    As thick as the thunder is loud,
    How am I going to go through this one?




    Submitted on 2007-07-18 18:20:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ah I really like this Zai, haha. It sounded like you're going through alot of stuff and you're just pushing through the storm one pedal at a time. You've got something you're working toward and nothing is going to stop you!
    I loved the images. I don't know why, but when you said "thoughts pulsing through my veins" it made me think of my guy friend's arms....his veins are CRAZY HUGE! Anyway... hahahah it was awesome. The Tis part, seemed misplaced. your words were all informal until that part, then it was like... Tis. It would be like...
    Shall I compare you to a summers day?
    Thou art more lovely and hot. hahahahaa anyway, my two cents.
    | Posted on 2007-07-23 00:00:00 | by Hyperbolypses | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    146904



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry