Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fiesty Tearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xSaraHx
    ASL Info:    17/Female/Earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.26 - 107/75/47
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 604
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 955



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFiesty Tearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A thousand tears she cried
    and for him she'd cry one more
    but that very night
    to his pure heart she swore
    I will cry for you
    If you will cry for me

    Tears of love and faith
    a push over the edge
    an expression of true feelings
    yeah, thats what I said
    But when its all over
    and I've cried for you
    Will you still be standing
    or were my tears you cue?

    mmm
    mmm
    mmm


    Into a sea of ecstacy and pleasure
    I will dive, yeah
    inside all our hearts
    will surely find
    alllllllll thoes unshed tears


    (2x)
    Tears of love and faith
    a push over the edge
    an expression of true feelings
    yeah, thats what I said
    But when its all over
    and I've cried for you
    Will you still be standing
    or were my tears you cue?




    Submitted on 2007-07-18 23:45:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      what's with the "mmm"s? they bother me so much. and then you start out with third person and all of a sudden switch to first person. it isn't cohesive and it just doesn't work. you need to provide tangible images to the reader, things the reader can feel, taste, smell, touch, see. otherwise it's just words about things we don't care about.
    | Posted on 2007-10-12 00:00:00 | by Passy | [ Reply to This ]
      A neat and nifty lyric... liked it a whole bunch... bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-07-27 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    146917

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    The World written by jjd
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry