Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Who Knows...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/378
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 750
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1296



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWho Knows...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I long to be independent
    To feel as if I am not trapped
    Within a prison
    That I built meant for another

    Yet it has confined me in ways that weren't meant to be
    I long to have that certain someone read my mind
    In order for him to know my love for him is true and pure
    In order for him to know this love I carry is everlasting and never ending

    For soon we will be married
    One day have children of my own

    You know I wonder...
    Will I be here in a month?
    Will I have decided this is the wrong path for me?
    Will I ever break from this prison that I have been confined to since a young girl?
    Will you put up with me and these endless mistakes that I just so happen to make
    Will I ever be truly wanted?

    Do you understand where I am coming from?
    Do you understand I am hurting?
    I am longing for freedom
    Freedom I have yet experienced

    See here I am longing for independency
    Yet I am afraid...not knowing
    Not knowing what to expect
    Not knowing... how to deal with these things..

    Wanting to give up...
    Yet needing to prove that I will not
    Prove that I am strong.




    Submitted on 2007-07-19 15:42:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I applaud you for making yourself vulnerable in this piece. The feelings that you have expressed are a window to your very soul. You are transparent in a positive way, people can easily see into your heart. There are a few things you could do better at, and I say this because I believe that you are capable of so much more. Try to describe some of these feelings in a less obvious way. Just read through it and study every line and see what you think you can add to it, and if you see in your own heart that it is complete then that's fine as well. Follow your heart is the best advise I can give you.
    | Posted on 2007-09-10 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    146961

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry