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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Moon Petalsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: melancholystar
    ASL Info:    17/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    4.53 - 598/302/32
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 345
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 523



    Description:
       I'm not sure where this came from... I wrote it just now.. post any advice or comments... and if you can please read and comment on my other works. Thanks :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMoon Petalsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    With moon petals in her hair
    Billowing with the breeze
    She twirls around everywhere
    And through all the trees

    While the moon is high
    She continues her dance
    No one is sure why
    Watching her is a trance

    Maybe she’s a dreamer
    Dreaming she can fly
    And the moon petals taught her
    To reach for the sky

    Whatever the reason
    She’s still lovely to view
    She comes every season
    Maybe she’ll see you




    Submitted on 2004-06-18 19:59:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This single one has alot of potential. Meaning I dont think you took your time to make this poetic enough.. Let me rephrase. This is very poetic, but you could have made it more. I know you could. Its very sweet, I can picture you dancing under the moon amongst the trees.. since you love to dance. I really like the Moon Petal Idea, you used it a few times in the poem and title but it wasn't repetitive it was quite original I really liked it. Thanks for the read..

    Bruno
    | Posted on 2004-08-18 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmmm... yes... 'Moon Petals'... wherever it came from I hope it's a place I can visit, and if not, then send me more postcards...
    | Posted on 2004-06-18 00:00:00 | by Eggman | [ Reply to This ]
      What are moon petals? They make me think of a ice blue rose, that grows on the moon and it's petals fall into the forest! W00t...rock on, but the last two lines sounded awkward, like, did you mean "every season"?

    I like the overall "no one knows why" like she dances and dreams no matter what people say! Rock on, and go down with the ship.
    | Posted on 2004-06-18 00:00:00 | by Indi Elf | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm just thought of something. Any body ever write a piece called "Moon Flowers"??Hey I just got a write coming up. Just exactly where can I meet this gal? Is she real or imaginery??
    | Posted on 2004-06-18 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the wistfulness of this piece. It had a nice magical quality about it that was pleasent, the flow adds to this nicely. The first two lines were very nice,
    "With moon petals in her hair
    Billowing with the breeze" This poem is well done, I enjoyed reading it, thank you :)
    | Posted on 2004-06-18 00:00:00 | by Belle De Jour | [ Reply to This ]
      i believe this is about fantasy and losing yourself.it also may be about how you think people percieve you.it is very enthralling,and it does create specific imagry.intresting imagry.i think its also an image inside yourself,and your not afraid to share it w/ everyone!im probably way off!but bravo!2 thumbs up for your pure boldness!
    | Posted on 2004-06-18 00:00:00 | by crazyphreshone | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good write...it has a wonderful idea behind it and a great format (stanzas, rhyme scheme, etc.)...you used wonderful imagery and chose the perfect words to get across what you wanted to say...good work
    sorry i don't have any suggestions on how to make it better
    | Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      When you mentioned that she comes every season, I thought perhaps this was a tree, a flowering tree billowing in the breeze. But you mention she dances through the trees, so that metaphor doesn't seem to work. Nice imagery though.
    | Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      sounds like a nice place to be! i wanna go there and watch her dance through the trees with moon petals, whatever they are, in her hair! sweet piece!
    | Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. this was really good. it was so beautiful and surreal. well i loved it and youre works arent getting worse, if anything theyre getting better cya
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Rosalynn Annett | [ Reply to This ]



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