What I held for you was a ghost of an ideal face
soft and supporting and always overstating reality
I never intended to leave you lying on fibrous clouds
no question marks or open bear traps were called pillows
you clinged to my fractured sentences
silent, as I wept with fresh eyes
you craved to be the crevice that tears flee into
how silent the time we shared and how slowly the moment died
enormous waves of invisibility
I shared my heart with your hand then
as we cloaked ourselves in stone
and pressed our eyes against the moving water
I cried and I lost my words
I did not care
I saw your future and mine
and the potential for despair
so bleak were these new times of seperation
I watched the ducks chase the food that swam beneath them
webbed feet kicking at the absorbing current
as they swam closer to me I wondered if they had lost touch with the world too
I wanted to measure the distance around each of our fingers
to know the length of a string that could bind us together properly
I wanted to know how smooth a stone had to be
to skip just enough times to beat the sting of reality
despair was not the love that we shared
was not the moment that I teared
despair was the moments that bordered this one
this time on the stone staring and crying and tightening my grip
despair equaled the kind of silence
that my tears would not have you to find
| when i read this i am transported to a memory of my own as if it is my memory you are telling rather than your own. that doesnt happen to me so much so i think this piece is quite magical for that reason...|
in 2002 i was put in hospital because i couldnt be trusted to stay alive mostly. i never left my room for 3 weeks. i was frozen by panic. one night i was freaking out and i didnt want the nursing staff to know and i txt this boy i knew. i hadnt seen him in over a year and i didnt even know if he would remember me. anyways. i told him i was in hospital and i was scared and he rang me and managed to calm me down. the very next day he arrived and stated to the nurses that he was going to take me out on leave. i couldnt work out how to tell him i couldnt leave me room so i borrowed his dark glasses and off we went.
he took me to the botanical gardens and for two hours [for that was all the nurses would allow me to leave for] we sat on a stone bridge with our legs dangling over the side. i dont know what he did but i sat there watching the water running by and thinking how wonderful it was of him to offer such a gesture.
we never said a single word for the whole two hours. then he took me back to hospital and i didnt see him again for another couple of years.
we weave in and out of eachothers lives every now and then. its always interesting but this piece you have created here reminds me so much of that day at the gardens...
the only thing i would suggest to improve this piece would be to think more about puntuation. to a certain extent your line breaks work for natural punctuation but i think especially the end of the first stanza could be more clearer and that clarity could be achieved by punctuation.
|| Posted on 2007-07-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] || yknow as soon as i started reading this i knew instantly exactly what moment you were writing about. i swear, you were so gorgeous that day...not just when you cried, although that made me more happy than you know, to be able to see that emotion..i always want that. but just in general, when we were walking, and laughing, and when i kept pretending to fall, and you were so worried...i felt so loved and beautiful that day. *sigh* this is a gorgeous poem...and maybe it's just because you havent written anything in a while, but it moved me more than any poem so far, at least that i can remember. or maybe its just cuz this is fresher...lol...i dont know...anyway, it is beautiful, you are beautiful....i love you....thank you.|
|| Posted on 2007-07-21 00:00:00 | by angelfyre | [ Reply to This ] |