the writter's mind by poppi

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Submission Name: the writter's mind dots

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Author:	poppi
ASL Info:	15/f/?
Elite Ratio:	7.81 - 54/40/30
Words:	95

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	138
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	635

Description:
idk, i guess just the pressure of having to write something when it's expected to be great and you don't think you can live up to people's standards

the writter's mind dots

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People tell me
"Not to confine my poetry
to rhyming words."
But how can I paint a picture?
When words are flat
No life,
No song,
Inspiration is allusive. As my paranoia. Is all I see in the mirror
Afraid to screw up
For faces I've never seen,
Voices I've never heard,
But with only a few crippling words
I force myself to move onward
My soul only deterred,
Not stopped.
My thoughts no longer racing
I begin taking each step at a time
Till there’s safety in my sanity
Once more..........

Submitted on 2007-07-21 13:31:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  hey doll
good to see you posting again.
as previous commenters have made note of... you really do need to make sure your work is up to scratch before you submit it... try to make it the best you possibly can... run it through a spellchecker if you need to.

the [writter's] mind = writer's
to [ryhming] words." = rhyming
[Insperation] is allusive = inspiration
As my [perinioa] = paranoia?
[Affriad to] screw up = afraid
Till [thiers] safety in my sanity = there's

ive read better from you girl though i kinda get where you are coming from with this piece. i think you could be a little more clear as to what it is you mean with this piece though.
i take it that you are feeling pressured by the comments you are getting on this site to change this and try this and do this...?
do you feel like people are trying to make you write something that isnt true to yourself?

in the end, writing is a very personal thing. do not write anything out of duty or pressure [unless it is for school ]
writing on sites like these should be all for learning and the enjoyment of it.

i think you could prolly give a little more detail to your punctuation though i really suck at punctuation so i wouldnt be much help in suggesting how.

stay true to yourself doll and keep working with this piece... i know you can make it more

| Posted on 2007-07-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah, spell check would be nice, but I will comment on the content of the poem.

It's a nice idea, but I'm finding it hard to relate, because I'm never pressured to write, I just write whatever comes to my head, and my heart.

that's just me.

Wishing for more
~Brian
| Posted on 2007-07-21 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm not quite as blunt as the former, however I do agree that you should use some spell check because a lot of people have a hard time reading poems with errors like that. The spelling errors can tend to be more or less like a road block while reading a piece and can seriously diminish the poem itself. My poetry is mostly all free verse, I don't like to have restrictions when I'm writing.

I completely understand the issue with trying to write something when you're forced to. The one thing about words/poetry is they can't be forced. You don't want them to be forced or you'll come across as anything but genuine. I've always told people on here to be careful with what I consider some "unnecessary" words. Go back through your piece and really read it and find the words that don't need to be there.

For example:
My thoughts no longer racing
I'll take each step at a time

you could make it "flow" more by saying something like
My thoughts no longer racing,
taking each step at a time

or even switching those 2 lines around. You may even be able to eliminate the "My" in there. I'm not one to try to change people's poems, you have to do what feels right to you. Those are just a couple of suggestions. I myself am working on a poem about the infamous writer's block, so I completely understand how difficult putting a piece together can be.

I have a few other suggestions and if you're interested PM me and I'll share them with you. If not, that's fine too...keep doing what you're doing and don't give up.

Candi
| Posted on 2007-07-21 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok, I don't really want to comment on the content of this poem. Because before you can get that right, you MUST and I repeat MUST make sure your spelling and grammar are up to scratch.

I don't mind the occasional mistake, because we are all human, but to me, it doesn't even look like you used spellcheck, let alone proof read it.

People don't take you seriously if you can't spell properly.

So please, proof read everything, and get someone else to read it first before you put it up. Heck if you want, send it to me and I'll edit it for you.

So fix the spelling, and then I'll comment on the actual poem.

~Keiran~
| Posted on 2007-07-21 00:00:00 | by Keiran | [ Reply to This ]

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