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    dots Submission Name: Morning after I realized Hell was only in my headdots

    Author: BloodtornAngel
    ASL Info:    21/F/inyour wildest dream
    Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 21/28/43
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1163
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1017


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    dotsMorning after I realized Hell was only in my headdots

    The morning after that night in June,
    I realized I'd never stop loveing you,
    and as you tossed and turned,
    I knew it would kill me even if i stayed.
    I put my hand on your shoulder,
    you opened your eyes and smiled,
    and I still don't know how to tell you.
    That I've cried again and again.
    and woke screaming from dreams.
    That I found that picture of you,
    that I took when we were still fourteen,
    and your the inspiration for my songs and my stories.
    How can I let you know,
    i didn't believe in love at first sight,
    but when i see you,
    it happens every time.
    Or that I hate that shes the one at your side,
    and My beloved Angel,
    I don't regret a moment of that night.
    So even if you'll never love me,
    if everything were to change,
    if you never look at me like you do her,
    When all Hell breaks loose,
    I'll be fighting for you.

    Submitted on 2007-07-21 14:32:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Let me first say that your heart is wide open in this piece and that is always a good start, but I feel the descriptions are a little too obvious to the reader. It reads more like a journal entry in my opinion. Try to keep the reader interested in what you are saying, even though this piece may evoke strong emotions in you it may not do the same for an outsider reading it. I encourage you to continue writing though, you'll get better and better with each poem, but always remember to stay true to yourself.
    | Posted on 2007-07-21 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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