It's so easy to console me,
when you don't understand.
Do you know my whole past,
and the reason i fear?
Do you know why i wouldn't hurt you,
and don't want to make you mad?
Do you know why I ran when Satan called my house,
or why i envy that you held the knife to him?
Do you know why i flinch when i hear his name?
If you didn't than I'll tell you so i won't go insane.
Then if you still understand me, console away.
Twice in a year I was pushed past my will,
and though i deny it, the want was there, hidden behind fear.
Fifteen ex-boyfriends did you never wonder why?
I was emotional, crazy, and violent at times,
in the end they'd get mad, turn their anger to mem, so I ran.
Yes Hewitt hurt me, but it wasn't just that,
its the thoughts behind the fear that make it so bad.
I should have killed him, hurt him, stopped his heart, and made him dead,
but instead i was pushed, and my will snapped in the end.
As for his name,
too many memories still try to flood that gate,
and it still hurts to realize,
I was jut a pawn in his game.
Then I think of the things,
I wrote, said, and thought about you,
and i know that i loved you,
and though i should not i still do.
Because you used me,
a pawn in your game,
but I welcome hearing your name,
it causes me pain.