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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Moved Alongdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: inkpen
    ASL Info:    19
    Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 391/199/61
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 804
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 878



    Description:
       Truly, sincerly not my best. But I was bored,(and my brother took the harry potter 7 book away from me....) just kind of threw it together. (Not that anyone would know it wasn't my best I deleted almost all of my work.) But oh well, I know it rhymes in some parts, and not in others. If you dont get the message, ...the message is "That even though its hard to forget someone you really cared about(aka a guy) that you need to move along because chances are you're missing out on other good things in life. - This comes from a life experience.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMoved Alongdots
    -------------------------------------------


    -I've told myself:

    "Theres no such thing as a time machine
    So, please, stop your wishing.
    You need to stop living in the past
    Deep down you know, nothing lasts.


    -"I was deaf to my own words..."

    Just a girl missing out on the world
    That has a broken heart with bead head curls
    There was my pale, tear streaked cheeks
    Feeling without hope for too many weeks


    -Then I told a good friend of mine:

    "Yes, life is cruel.
    Love truly is a battlefield
    But believe me, you can do better
    And it seems unlikely, but this heartache wont last forever"

    So in those twenty-six words I spoke,
    I wasn't wrong
    Because with those words,
    I finally Moved Along.





    Submitted on 2007-07-21 17:28:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      been there, hated it , but been there. Great write! Thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-11-29 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this alot! It touche dme in a way that well I'm speechless...This reminds me of how I am today! Not the point anyways I love the way you pieced it together You need to stop living in the past
    Deep down you know, nothing lasts.Just a girl missing out on the world
    That has a broken heart with bead head curls
    There was my pale, tear streaked cheeks
    Feeling without hope for too many weeks
    I like the flow of it all and touching at that anyways good poem! One of my faves!
    | Posted on 2007-07-22 00:00:00 | by Hip-Hop Honey | [ Reply to This ]
      moving along is a good thing
    it can only be a sign of healing... showing that the tears havent been wasted and the experience not completely a loss.

    i like the way you presented this with the stand alone lines of what you said. that was really neat

    however in the bigger stanzas i felt that there were a few too many cliché lines that held this piece together and i think you need to be aware of that because they actually detract from the power and validity of the piece.

    now you said that this wasnt your best piece so why not try mess around with it until it IS your best piece...? why post somethin that is half done...?

    i really do think you could make this piece so much more. find your own ways to write those cliché ideas and you will be well on your way

    its not like theres anything better to do while waiting for the harry potter book to be back in your possession... right?
    | Posted on 2007-07-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this! the idea was very original and unique and i really enjoyed that. It was sorta simple in words (not much imagery) but that was okay because the whole of the piece didnt need imagery...and i also really liked the end. It flowed nicely and tied the whole piece together well. Nice job!!
    | Posted on 2007-07-21 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


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