Description: ok this is the begining to a poem that i might actually like. I just needed a place to keep the idea down, and maybe get soem thoughts on it.
foundation -------------------------------------------
I stand upon the crumbling foundation
Atop a world I wont look back at
As smiles fade from faces,
Of people who never existed.
The nightmares come to life
I think you have a promising beginning to something here. You should keep working on it, see what comed from it.
I would be very interested in seeing the final piece, if you do decide to complete it.
"wont" should be "won't" (just a little punctuation error, we all get them)
My only complaint is that the last line seems as though it is starting something but then fades off, incomplete, but I am sure most of that has to do with it being unfinished.
Keep at it, I look forward to seeing the final copy.
Submission Name: foundation
