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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Voices Of Suffocationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Munchie_1226
    ASL Info:    25/F/E.STL
    Elite Ratio:    4.49 - 1831/1834/185
    Words: 272
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1113
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1623



    Description:
       Just Breathe.....

    That's write...Li Li is back in the building....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVoices Of Suffocationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There is something whispering to me
    Telling me...
    To just
    Be....
    To live life fruitfully
    And spiritually
    Overlooking every thing that I see
    Accepting the way things really are
    I've come far from my past tribulations
    Walked the path of desolation
    Down on my knees with tears of desperation
    Questioning my creation

    Looking at the scars where I was to blame
    Hanging my head with shame
    For all I did was create memories
    That will never disappear
    I fell fate to all my fear
    Didn't see things with a clear perspective
    Never had that protective side of mentality
    Lacking functionality of self appreciation
    Never acknowledging there was a mediation
    Between spirit body and mind
    That place where I could find
    Acceptance

    I thought I was wrong for my choices
    Chose to listen to all the voices
    That suffocated my lungs and caused me to run
    From myself

    I've come far from where I once stood
    Deciphered the bad from the good
    Realizing that I am what I was born to be
    Speaking freely and openly
    Upon the things that once took over my soul
    Admitting when things were out of control
    Gaining the strength to carry forward with my goal
    To grow instead of restrain what I am
    Because even if nobody else understands
    I know within myself that I gave all I could give


    2007 Li Li




    Submitted on 2007-07-23 17:01:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi LiLi,

    How long has it been since i've seen you? I can't remember the date but i know it's been ages since i've seen anything on you. It's good to have you back.

    About your piece, I love the message you portrayed about other people and the ending being that your voice is number one and that you know that you gave it a hundred percent. The message seemed to stray away sometimes but there were times when you got back on track and everything was okay again. There were some distractions for sure and i think you gotta work on making it clearer. I think what made this happen was your rhyming. After the second stanza it became obvious that you were rhyming and that's where the message began to stray away. I don't know see how it can work out.

    Other than that, i love pieces like these that have strong messages and something to relate to. You seem to be committed in coming back here to ES. That's what i see from your piece. It did hit me strong and i loved it.

    Great to see you again.

    Cheers,

    Irina
    | Posted on 2007-07-24 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Welcome back!!! I love what you had to say here, and it made me really happy to see that you have found yourself, and you finally heard your own voice through the loudness of others. I especially loved the part where you spoke of the mediation between mind, body, and soul, I really think this poem has a spiritual sensation to me, which is why it makes me so happy. I think it's a really big thing when you choose to root your soul deep within your own self, despite what others have to say. The only love that counts in the end is yours, because at the end of the day, you have to be able to accept yourself for who you are. This was great.
    You are loved,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2007-07-24 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      hey Li Li.
    its been forever. i dont know when i last commented on something you've written. yikes...

    i think there is room for improvement with this piece. i think it could benefit from some punctuation... help clear your ideas up... beginnings and endings in the right place and assumed correctly.

    i think your message is a little muffled which is sad because i think it has the potential to be a very powerful message indeed.
    everyone has voices around them that tell them they arent what they should be.
    voices of lies that penetrate their being until they believe them to be true.

    i think, therefore, that you should work on refining your message and giving the reader a point to connect with so that they can see no only that these voices are able to be overcome but that you have done it and it is worth the sturggle of doing it...

    good to see you back here
    keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2007-07-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147114

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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