Voices Of Suffocation -------------------------------------------
There is something whispering to me
To live life fruitfully
Overlooking every thing that I see
Accepting the way things really are
I've come far from my past tribulations
Walked the path of desolation
Down on my knees with tears of desperation
Questioning my creation
Looking at the scars where I was to blame
Hanging my head with shame
For all I did was create memories
That will never disappear
I fell fate to all my fear
Didn't see things with a clear perspective
Never had that protective side of mentality
Lacking functionality of self appreciation
Never acknowledging there was a mediation
Between spirit body and mind
That place where I could find
I thought I was wrong for my choices
Chose to listen to all the voices
That suffocated my lungs and caused me to run
I've come far from where I once stood
Deciphered the bad from the good
Realizing that I am what I was born to be
Speaking freely and openly
Upon the things that once took over my soul
Admitting when things were out of control
Gaining the strength to carry forward with my goal
To grow instead of restrain what I am
Because even if nobody else understands
I know within myself that I gave all I could give
How long has it been since i've seen you? I can't remember the date but i know it's been ages since i've seen anything on you. It's good to have you back.
About your piece, I love the message you portrayed about other people and the ending being that your voice is number one and that you know that you gave it a hundred percent. The message seemed to stray away sometimes but there were times when you got back on track and everything was okay again. There were some distractions for sure and i think you gotta work on making it clearer. I think what made this happen was your rhyming. After the second stanza it became obvious that you were rhyming and that's where the message began to stray away. I don't know see how it can work out.
Other than that, i love pieces like these that have strong messages and something to relate to. You seem to be committed in coming back here to ES. That's what i see from your piece. It did hit me strong and i loved it.
Welcome back!!! I love what you had to say here, and it made me really happy to see that you have found yourself, and you finally heard your own voice through the loudness of others. I especially loved the part where you spoke of the mediation between mind, body, and soul, I really think this poem has a spiritual sensation to me, which is why it makes me so happy. I think it's a really big thing when you choose to root your soul deep within your own self, despite what others have to say. The only love that counts in the end is yours, because at the end of the day, you have to be able to accept yourself for who you are. This was great.
You are loved,
hey Li Li.
its been forever. i dont know when i last commented on something you've written. yikes...
i think there is room for improvement with this piece. i think it could benefit from some punctuation... help clear your ideas up... beginnings and endings in the right place and assumed correctly.
i think your message is a little muffled which is sad because i think it has the potential to be a very powerful message indeed.
everyone has voices around them that tell them they arent what they should be.
voices of lies that penetrate their being until they believe them to be true.
i think, therefore, that you should work on refining your message and giving the reader a point to connect with so that they can see no only that these voices are able to be overcome but that you have done it and it is worth the sturggle of doing it...