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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Panicked Apathydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kunoichi
    Elite Ratio:    6.66 - 2/1/1
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 76
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1010



    Description:
       I haven't regained the patience yet to fine tune and be as meticulous as I used to be... The rhythm I have in mind for this is hard to write, and probably just seems sloppy, but I'm not really aiming for greatness anyway. =P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPanicked Apathydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I appeared so sedately, so silently waking,
    Mistaken, conforming, contorting, all just to
    stay hidden... this gaping wide hole tucked away in your
    will.

    And my name is...

    Shadowy, hazy, I'm driving you mad, and I
    stifle your conscience when you don't catch onto this.
    Farther and farther you're falling, my name is...

    Torturous, isn't it? My fault or yours? You're
    causing such pain, you can't stop it, your thoughts are just
    spilling all over the floor and you will not move
    forward; Hey now, this is hurting me too, and it's
    time that you learned what my name is, it's yours...

    I have no true origin... and I'll bring you no end.
    You're uncertain about me, that's why I exist.
    I'm an absence of something, or so you have thought;
    But the true calm you search for, you've had all along.




    Submitted on 2007-07-24 05:22:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i think you should be aiming for greatness...
    set the level... be the bar...


    this piece interests me. yes the meter was off and a little distracting but i am sure, given time and a little effort you will be able to fix that just fine.

    i read this after just having watchingthe basketball diaries. i dont know if you have ever seen it but it is quite a powerful movie about drug addiction and the things people do while caught in its trap and ultimately finding your way out the other end and making something of yourself. in this movie the main character [played by leonardo decaprio] writes in his journal a whole lot...

    this makes me think of something he would have written.


    the narrative voice of this piece is somewhat emotionally removed both from the subject and the reader and in some ways it flirts and flaunts as if it knows it is unattainable.

    and my name is...

    i think you could deliver the end of the second last stanza better myself. i literally didnt expect 'my name is' to be 'yours' and i must say i thought it was quite the anti climax. not the idea... just the delivery of it. im not sure how you could deliver it better but i do think you ought to do more with it. you have the potential to grab the reader completely off guard and make an impression on them for sure...

    i think you are onto something here though...
    you should aim for greatness... you really should.
    | Posted on 2007-07-24 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]



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