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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rules to Survive One Drunken Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Karios
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 124/127/48
    Words: 217
    Class/Type: Rant/Love
    Total Views: 171
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1594



    Description:
       


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    dotsRules to Survive One Drunken Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bottles litter the countertops,
    Butts of cigarettes smoke from the ashtray,
    Another drink, she'll be ready for action,
    Tread carefully girl,
    Don't go where you're not wanted.

    Don't speak of moral things,
    When vodka comes
    And claims sensibility, and responsibility.

    Don't react, when she calls you names,
    And refuses to let you go,
    And hide.

    Don't let her see the tears,
    When her hand flies out,
    Against your cheek.

    Hold your breath,
    And bite your tongue,
    When she insults the good people you know.

    But when she's finally passed out on the floor,
    Cover her with a blanket,
    Pick up the bottles,
    Empty the ashtrays,
    Put an empty cup and Advil on the counter,
    For her headache in the morning.

    Be the good girl she wants,
    Wipe away the night,
    Don't bring it up again.
    It's not her fault.
    She's not that bad.
    Even though you know the truth.
    But she's sick.
    She can't help herself.

    Go silently to your room.
    Close the door,
    Wish once again that you had a lock,
    Put on the earphones,
    Blare the music,
    Wait till it's background noise,
    Noise to the buzzing in your head.

    Caress the reddened cheek,
    Begin to cry,
    Quiet.
    Don't wake anyone up.
    Wait for tomorrow.





    Submitted on 2007-07-25 12:05:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is so sad
    Drinking is never a good ting in high amounts
    it makes peoples demons come out
    say things they dont mean
    hurt loved ones
    Good job on the write
    Your right about her being sick
    If this is about a mother and daughter then the daughter is doing the right thing by leaving the advil
    But she should not keep quiet about her bruise
    I think you placed the words in a good orader to tell the story but sometimes I couldnt tell where you were going
    Very sad indeed
    | Posted on 2007-08-19 00:00:00 | by xSaraHx | [ Reply to This ]
      Reading this made me a bit sad. I've never had to deal with anything like this, and I'm sure I wouldn't be able to.

    I'm trying to stay on focus with the submission but it's not easy when you want to throw your opinions everywhere....

    Alright, in the first paragraph from line 2 to 3, you put a comma but capitalized "another" I'm not sure if poetry allows it (I'm not a poetry person) but I'm just throwing that out there.

    I'm sure there's more, but the spelling was fine in my opinion...

    I'm really sorry if I did a crappy job of commenting, I'm never good at commenting without blurting out random crap...

    Sorry again
    ~Mowsy
    | Posted on 2007-07-27 00:00:00 | by MowsysWrath | [ Reply to This ]


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